oopssss.....

i made a boo-boo...

it appears my scale at the gym does not match up with the scale @ ww and i didn't realize the discrepancy until this evening...

although i HATE doing this...

it appears that last week, i weighed 188.2
and this week i'm 185.4
with a total loss of 2.8

so i weigh a little more than i thought i did and that's OK. i feel better telling you. promise you won't tell anyone else.

delightful cheeseburgaaaaaaas & leatha couches

Not sure why I made that title, I'm feeling a little light-headed at the moment. I just got back from the gym, and I guess I pushed myself a little too hard today and I thought I was going to throw up.

Also, I'm craving cheeseburger. I bought 90% lean sirloin patties from Price Chopper and I want one for lunch. With cheddar cheese, sauteed onions and mushrooms. Yes, perhaps I will consume one for lunch today...

I've successfully lost 2 lbs, the healthy way on Weight Watchers. I was really, really good this week. Ate good sized meals, drank lots of fluids and even had Wings Over Albany on Friday night. Instead of eating an entire container myself, my friend Kristen and I shared an order of Sweet Onion BBQ and garlic-parmesan chicken tenders. MmMmM tasty. It felt good to be able to eat something so damn delicious and not feel guilty.

Anywho, the results are in:

Waist: 36"

Hips: 41"

Arms: 12"

Legs: 24"

and I am topping the scale in my gym room at: 184.2 pounds

So, I've looked up healthy BMI's for my height and even Weight Watchers says I should weigh a maximum of 150 pounds as a 5'5" female. When I got down to 165 last year I thought I looked awesome. I didn't really want to be 150 pounds, I felt like I would look emaciated. They don't take in to account that I've got huge bones and somewhere in here is some muscles. Whenever I explain this to someone, I usually volunteer my wrist, which is big, to prove the point that I'm a big girl. My dad is a big man. My mom is a big woman. I've got the shoulder width of an NFL linebacker. I used to be a women's rugby forward. That means I'm a sturdy, full figured person. I honestly like looking in the mirror and seeing a woman, not a 12 year old girl. I like having curves, and I think that being soft is very feminine. I don't want to be a plywood futon couch! I want to be a comfortable and attractive hunter green leather one, g*damnit!

I always watch those commericals where a former fat person goes from a size 22 to a size 6. I honestly don't believe there's a size 6 hiding in me. Is anyone else with me on this? I can get to a 10. Maybe an 8? I think I would be happy in the single digits.

My first goal was to lose 10% of my body weight, which is about 14 pounds away at this point in time. Then I was going to stop and maintain. I guess I'll see how I feel and how reasonable it is to continue to lose weight. I know how difficult it is to lose and how easy it is to gain. I know what it's like to struggle and deny and overindulge and feel guilty. I think if I lose the weight and keep it off, I should be a leader at those meetings. I'm so charismatic. And right now, I'm so hungry.

to-day

Just got back from a little worky work-out at the gym in my apartmento complexio.

So it appears I did NOT gain as much weight as I thought I had. Apparently my damage in New Orleans did not stick to me as much as I thought it might.

Waist: 36"

Hips: 42"

Arms: 13"

Thighs: 24"

and total weight at 1pm this afternoon: 186.4 lbs (not bad, Jillian, not bad at all)

This weekend I went home for one of my best friend's 23rd birthday celebration. A few of her friends (and mine) were talking about Weight Watchers. I reminisced for a moment, knowing how awesome I did when I was hard-core WW. I lost 25 pounds. I wore a yellow bikini and looked half-way decent in it. All of the sudden, I wanted in again.

Tonight, yours truly is heading to the WW center back near where I went to college in Latham. The one by my apartment just sucks. I'm re-joining and staying for the meeting, with Chris. She is the awesomest leader I've ever had.

I've been doing pretty OK on my own. I'm watching what I eat (for the most part) and now that I'm getting into a routine, I'm going to MAKE time for the gym. I'm going to be an unstoppable force. Like for serious. Lose weight, be healthier, work full time, learn full time, long distance love and maybe, just maybe, I'll get some sleep in there.

This is Jillian, signing off. The microwave just beeped and my Weight Watchers pepperoni pizza is done-zo.

Good luck to me!

i was gone for a minute...

I am fully aware that I haven't posted in a loooong time.

I apologize.

I've been busy traveling to see my boyfriend in New Orleans and starting back up with grad school.

Pretty sure I gained a few pounds on the trip, but I have no accurate guesstimation.


I'll update manananana.

quick hurry

Just wanted to get this in before I went to work.

Waist: 35
Hips: 41
Arms: 12
Legs: 23
Current Weight: 184 (this was taken Tuesday afternoon on Amy's scale)

I realize that I didn't post this weekend, BUT, I also didn't have internet access.

Hooray! Christmas didn't do as much damage as I had anticipated. I still ate my fair share though ;-)




wow. now that's progress.

(pic of me getting kicked in the crotch by a 5 year old after a rugby game)

motivation

Ever feel unmotivated and then feel guilty about not feeling motivated?

Today, I'm feeling completely unmotivated. And I feel like I should move around or do something because I need to release energy. Should go to the gym, because I want another sticker on my calendar. Not interested since I'm feeling tired from lack of sleep finally catching up to me. Should go to the gym because I'm going to see Felipe in 9 or 16 more days. Not really interested because it's cold outside, and I don't want to walk to the gym room here. Should go to the gym because I'm starting to see result, and why not maintain/work harder and look better. Not so interested, since I'm seeing results already and why do more work than I have to?

To go or not to go? I guess the compromise would be to go, but not work out so hard? Or to just go for a walk outside?

Perhaps do my Pilates tape and watch them do abs, buns and thighs while I eat some pizza?

happy sunday, fuckers

Greetings on this lovely Sunday afternoon! I've officially done nothing today besides eat breakfast, go to the gym, talk on the phone a few times with my boyfriend and watch HBO on demand. Basically, this Sunday has been a worthless one. I'm feeling like I should be more productive. I'm also craving pasta. And tomato sauce. MmmMmm. I think I'll be heading over to the kitchen soon as I'm done updating you on my current status.

Arms: 12"
Thighs: 24"
Hips: 42"
Waist: 36" (1 more gone! I'm starting to look like a woman again, and not an amorphus blob thing)

annnddddd....still maxing out at 185 lbs. Which is fine by me. Means I haven't gained anything since Tuesday of last week. My co-workers are noticing the loss in my face the most. I'm noticing that my pants are starting to fit again. ha. ha.

It probably would have been more of a loss, except I drank some "holiday" punch last night at the pajama party we went to. And since my appetite has begun to return, I spent a large portion of the evening snacking on tortilla chips and humus. Kristen and I kept taking turns going up to the table. Then I would sit, and since I'm beginning to think I really have a problem with restless leg syndrome, I just sat and shook my legs all night. I get one to stop and the other one goes. If I try to cross my legs, my foot shakes. As weird as this may seem, I guess it's burning calories. And that's never an issue in my book.

At the gym in my apartment complex, I've been doing 40 mins/2 miles (whichever comes first) just fast paced walking on the old treadmill. I do the first 20 minutes with 3 lbs weights just going up and down with them, and then working on triceps as well. I also am working on the ab machine. Since my legs are already shapely, I'm just walking to keep the muscle tone. I still wish I had my rugby legs. They were friggin' diesel. No cellulite anywhere. For now I'm really just targeting my abs and arms, hoping to build the muscle underneath so that when the fat goes away, all that's left is toned perfection. (Gawd that sounded cheesey!?!?!)

And rightfully so. I just got back my final grade from my other class. I currently have a 4.0 in grad school (A+ in theories, A in research). I'm really proud of myself. I actually had to work for those grades. And now? Now I'm going to celebrate with a bowl of whole wheat pasta and red sauce. Perhaps I'll throw in a piece of grilled chicken. Protein is brain food, you know?

(the good old days, when pizza ALWAYS came after beer)