Thursday, July 23, 2009

a new/old vice


3 words, 4 syllables.
Laughing Cow Cheese.
The light version.
I dumped it into my whole wheat pasta, frozen veggie, seafood toss up and it felt....indulgent.
I cannot believe how guilty I felt eating something that in actuality cost me about 9 POINTS!

MMmmMmMmmm MmMmm gooooos.

In other news, Adam & I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary this weekend and he is taking me to Boston, MA to visit the famous Aquarium. He rented a hotel and everything! I am going to try my best to behave food wise this weekend!

(I will count walking around as my exercise.)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

anything after BUT....

I meant to stop by sooner. Anything after BUT is usually B.S.

I spent $345 on a letter accepting me for a $200 exam however I am officially accepted to take the NBCC (National Board of Certified Counselors) test once I am ready. Whoooohooo??

I did Wendie Plan-esque type eating this past week. I was starting to feel less bloated and more happy by the weekend. Then we went to a wedding and a reception and a party and I do not feel as light or free. Numbers on a scale are not a measure of who I am. I have to learn to get this thing right. Eating healthy and treating myself well are priority. I am going to go for a quick jog/walk this evening, just to say I did. That will be 4 stars this week, with Wedsm Thurs & Sat being off from exercise days.

On Friday, I approached the happy looking trainer at the gym to see his rates/get a feel for his personality. He is a 52 yr old African American man who smiles while he murderizes his clients, laughs with them and looks like he really enjoys it. I am still weighing my options.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

whoa whoa whoa

I start by saying how abso-friggin-lutely *THRILLED* I am with all of the great insight you readers gave me from my last post. I respect your opinions and I'm glad I have a sounding board to get feedback. As I type, I am trying to muster up the energy to go outside and enjoy the last of today's sunshine with a brisk run/walk. I am seriously considering a go at a fitness class at my gym. That would mean I'd actually have to go to said gym and look up the schedule. But I digress...

Today I went grocery shopping. I love grocery shopping. Almost as much as shoes shopping. I dabbled in the healthy foods section and I did halfway decent. HOWEVER, I must remind myself of this mantra:

~*GOOD FOOD ISN'T CHEAP
and
CHEAP FOOD ISN'T GOOD*~

Holy !#$^@# MONEYBALLS! I can't believe how much I spent. I have been buying the same old foods for over two years because they are safe. I know how many WW POINTS! are in them and I know how to cook them and ALL THAT JAAZZ. But it's not working anymore.

I am taking my own G-ddarn advice starting....now! Optimal health is NOT just about looking good in a bathing suit. It's about feeling good inside of myself. Blah blah blah. I am seeing how old patterns and being comfortable became a chore, and now I need to stop worrying about how much I weigh and focus on how I feel. I eat the same things over and over again and I don't exercise as hard as I could.

The tools I gained initially during my several stints at weight loss taught me a lot. However, I must continue evolving as a weight losing, healthy beast of a woman and continue challenging myself. At 193 lbs, eating a vegetable and walking around the block helped me shed a few pounds. Now my body is used to being more active and being fed better foods. So I think I have to switch it up and stop just getting by with my health & fitness routine.

please contribute to my ego below, k'thanks.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

ahhh.... push it!?!?

INSIGHTFUL FACTOID: I don't *push* myself as hard as I could/would/should at the gym.

I mainly do exercise for the movement factor. Bare minimum. I feel better when I move and then get to make stars on my calendar. I exercised with my friend K who used to be a female body builder last week and she basically kicked my ass. Technically I am "smaller" than her but she is in far better shape than I am. K had me running up and down steps, running when I didn't want to and cursing at her. It was the hardest I had worked out in a long time...

Mayhaps my ability to get to the next level of fitness is hindering me from losing the last of this weight???

But I am soooo tired after work that I want to move to say I did it! And I can't wake up in the morning to exercise because I am tired then too.

Which brings me to my next thingie. K worked me out, and although I was slightly embarrassed by my huffing, puffing and passing occasional gas during the run, I was OK. I am terrified to get a personal trainer! I don't want a stranger to see me struggle.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

quasi internet celebrity

Yesterday on the elliptical, I was reading one of those celebrity magazines while I was sweating like a mofo. And I was thinking about how funny it would be if someone interviewed *me* about my fitness, weight loss and overall attitude about being healthy.

The following would be my *imaginary* interview, with myself. If you think it's fun, feel free to answer the questions yourself in a comment below. If you stalk me, chances are I stalk you back. And it's nice to know about you too :-) Also- feel free to point out things I am doing wrong or things that help you!

What does your usual workout routine look like?
  • I am trying to get back into the swing of things. I do at least 20 minutes of anything, and then put a sticker/star on my calendar. At the gym, I will do a few machines and call it a day or I will get on the treadmill or elliptical and do at least 20-30 minutes. When I'm walking around my 'hood, I will put on 1 lb wrist weights and get 2 miles in of jog-walkings. At home, I have a few DVD's I play with, mostly pilates and dancing. I am trying to walk at lunch time, weather permitting. This month I have 9 stars, which is a dramatic improvement from the last few months.

What is your favorite "get pumped" song to listen to when you're working out?
  • I thought about this one long and hard and I would have to say my all time favorite get in the zone song is....."Hung Up" by Madonna. I am not really a super Madonna fan but for some reason this song gets me way excited. I have other favs, but this song just does it for me.

Were you an athlete as a child/teen/young adult? If so, how does this impact your fitness today?
  • I played organized sports as a kid. I tried playing sports in middle school and high school (soccer & volleyball). I basically sucked because 1) I'm not competitive in any way, shape or form and b) I lacked serious athletic ability. So I quit both my junior & senior year to work, because I didn't get any playing time and I wanted money. In college, I played rugby. I sucked at that too. But it helped me to learn a little more of what my body can be capable of.

When did you realize you had to make changes in your life to be healthier?
  • Well, growing up, I did not have any idea about healthy eating. My mom raised me by herself and we ate out at restaurants A LOT. Most dinners consisted of protein and a starch, not a ton of veggies. My mom has weight concerns and did Weight Watchers when I was growing up, but I didn't see myself as being overweight. It wasn't until I got to college and gained a whole mess of more weight did I realize anything. My best friend in college did Weight Watchers and lost but I was way skeptical at first. It wasn't until I went to my first WW in August of 2005 and stepped on a scale that read 191 lbs. After that, I steadily lost 25 lbs my senior year of college. Didn't know I had been heavy until I lost all the weight. I got cocky the summer after and gained it back, plus. I didn't notice how I gradually put the weight back on. Then in November of 2006, I hit 193 and tried losing weight on my own. In January of 2007, I rejoined WW after realizing that it works for me. IT SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY THING THAT DOES. This time around, I have lost almost 40 pounds but gained 15 back over the last year. I have already lost 1.8 lbs of that 15 and I am trying to re-invest myself in sticking to WW plan and being healthy.

What do you think is the most important part of maintaining your lifestyle?
  • Good abs are made in the kitchen. Moving a little each day in ways that are fun helps. But people need a support system in order to be successful. I have an incredible boyfriend who puts up with my craziness, fantastic friends who cheer me on and a mom who understands my weight issues because I inherited them from her! I have one particular WW leader who has been helpful and understnading. I also found a support system with this blog thing; other people who have good ideas and kind words of encouragement. I need people as part of my recovery.
Recovery? Is there something else you'd like to share?
  • On another blogger's Q & A, I came clean about something I've been going through. With all of the stress, the guilt and disgust in myself from gaining weight back this time around and feeling overwhelmed, I developed some ED tendencies. I won't go into anymore detail because it's not important. What's important is that I have recognized and worked on what was happening internally. And I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I succumbed to some very unhealthy patterns.
OK, I am tired of playing. I am going to eat a VitaBrownie and a scoop of ice cream, because I earned it!

Monday, June 22, 2009

the menu

Down another pound!

160.9 lbs and I have lost 1.8 since I re-engaged myself in doing this again.

I have unofficially "detoxed" myself from booze and eating out at restaurants and not exercising and most importantly, feeling sorry for myself.

Friday, June 19, 2009

acceptance/ piece of mind


i'm buff (after going to the gym and getting in a decent workout instead of half assing it)
i'm tan (a new vice, which kind of makes me feel good?)
and i'm drinking a glass of well deserved red wine.


Today was the day from hell @ work. Aside from finding out that one patient had talked about threatening to murder me, one of my favorites had to be medically discharged. One patient who has been quite annoying and I had a session where I basically yelled at him and told him to stop making himself the victim and start accepting what he had, for better or worse.

Aha?!

This may or may not have been indirectly inspired by a friend of mine who I had dinner with last night. She made a comment about accepting her body for what it was. Mind you, her body is now creating a new life (which i am in total awe and admiration of) but the way she said it made me stop and think about myself.

I have to be re-invested in myself and in being healthy, not binging or abusing my body and trying to accept what G-d has given me. I'm going to try to take care of myself the best that I can. I am going to re-learn to take things one day and one bite at a time. I am not going to allow myself to be the victim anymore. I am going to take ownership of the bad days and good days and all that jazz.

So what if I weigh the same as my boyfriend?!?