sweet surrender

This weekend I thought about things.

For starters, how bored I am with my current exercise routine which is making me loathe working out. I'd rather lay on the couch and sleep then go to the gym some days. This could also be accounted for by stress and depression? Anywho, I went to the gym as much as I could this week and that's what counts. Plus, Adam (my boyfriend) bought me a pair of Sketchers Shape-Ups last night and I'm planning on taking them for a stroll this afternoon to AVOID the gymnasium.

I tried buying new foods this week, to combat Kitchen Boredom. I got some Nova Scotia lox, WW 1 POINT cream cheese, 97% Fat Free Hot Dogs, Vanilla soy milk, whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread and other things to branch out a bit. Mind you, I ate out on Thursday night and Friday for lunch, as well as Saturday.

So, what is different about this week than other weeks? I surrendered. I officially gave up on trying to lose weight and really just focused on making the best choices possible. Plus I caved and bought two pairs of pants for work in a 12, instead of pretending I'm still a straight size 10 like I was a year and a half ago. I got tired of looking like a sausage. So I said to myself "Self, what are you really trying to do? Body is not going to lose the weight as quickly as last time and Body is comfortable here. Mind is looking for immediate results instead of the bigger picture, which is lifelong health." I surrender. White flag. I'm not going to fight mother nature or my metabolism. I've been doing this 3 years and if I have to do it 3 more, I will.

Mind + body = self.
Self lost 4 pounds this week.

3 poundses

I gained 3 lbs after a night of drinking (Saturday) and a day of bacon (Sunday)

Today I went food shopping and I made healthy choices instead of buying what I really wanted.

I am holding on by a thread, but I'm holding.

what the...

relapse and i lost .6 lbs.
I did NOT expect that at all!!!!

BigHappyBeautiful- I am reading your blog too, I just can't reply. We should exchange e-mails or something.

relapse.

Relapse with binge eating slash not giving a fuck about what goes into my mouth until AFTERWARD is an interesting process. I feel myself backsliding. I was able to say "I'm in relapse mode" this week when people asked me how my weight loss is going. I am not ashamed, but I am certainly uncomfortable.

I don't know if my body is resisting weight loss, because I'm staying within a range of pounds. I don't know if that's an excuse with mind over matter. I just don't have the answers anymore and I think it's OK. I'm just going to keep trying to do ME, go to the gym and eat as healthy as I can.