Wednesday, December 31, 2008

happy jew year

down another pound and out to celebrate that
+ my new apartment
+ the new year

happy 2009

Saturday, December 27, 2008

the cycle

This is me and my love on Christmas. He actually quasi smiled for a photo, which pleased me immensely. For such a handsome fucker*, he hates having his picture taken. At least I look cute?!

*I realize that I might be the only one who thinks my boyfriend is a handsome fucker.

Yesterday, I did my CRUNCH! Bikini Body Workout DVD b/c I didn't feel like leaving my apartment. Today I hurt, deep in my "core" and my booty. Even though I HATE the video, and I use curse words at the bimbos dancing around in their neon pants, they worked me good yesterday. Today, I stopped by the gym on my way home from Adam's house and did 30 mins of cardio on the elliptical. Although I must have looked like a fat elderly woman climbing on and off the machine, and I still hurt. I got two stickers for the week so far!!!

My usually emptyish gym was PACKED today. This made me chuckle. People get so caught up around this time of year on trying to lose weight/exercise and then give up by mid-February. I only know about this pattern b/c I've been trying for two years now to lose the weight and I am witness to the cycle. Even Weight Watchers rooms are packed with resolvers. This too fades once people give up.

Bottom line: if you're reading this and/or writing your own blog, it is my mental health professional's opinion that you probably haven't given up just yet. Even if you're not doing it all right all of the time, you're trying. The odds are in your favor. For every 20 people at the gym today, there will be 5 by next month and it will continue to taper down.

And I plan on being the dork still waging war against my appetite and my pants size at the gym by myself in March

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

new yeaah's revolutions

This is me and my friend Kathleen last Friday at the Christmas party. Kathleen is doing exactly what I am doing, minus one job and two less classes but we're in the same boat. I am glad to share this boat with her.

My name is Jillian, and I'm a Jew on Christmas Eve. Mama Fatty is on her up way here and I am planning on doing an exercise DVD for a few before she arrives. Then I will cook a nice healthy chicken dinner for us. And we will probably exchange presents and then argue until we go to sleep.

Wait? Me & Mama have an interesting relationship. I have inherited most of Mama's good qualities (I'm nice, I'm outgoing, I'm sensitive) and some of Mama's negatives (I have flabby arms, I can be passive aggressive) and none of Mama's worstest quality (she means well, but is VERY VERY VERY closed minded/judegmental almost to the point where I feel criticized no matter what because of that "tone" and the "shoulds" that I believe most Jewish mama's do). Mama is also pretty annoying. We fight like sisters with rabies. But I love her, because she instilled in me strength and independence and good looks.

Oh, and I lost 1 pound. Which is nice to me.

Back to the topic at hand. This years brainstorms of New Year's Resolutions.
  1. I want to lose @ least 5 lbs by my 25th birthday (2/28/09)
  2. I want to actually read my textbooks this semester and do well (i got a 4.0 this past one without reading, but still...)
  3. I would like to spend more time being YOUNG! and FUN! and SPONTANEOUS! before I get married and make babies and can't anymore
  4. I will go to Weight Watchers meetings each week, because I *need* that support. I can't do it by myself. I want to stop bouncing around and succeed.
  5. I will learn to say NO! when I can't and YES! when I can
  6. I will exercise 3 x's a week, no matter what, even if it's not hardcore gym-ery
6 is a good number for now.

Any of you starting your resolutions????

Sunday, December 21, 2008

nightmare on bridge avenue

Dear Landlord,

Below I have documented what the last two weeks have been like for me. I am beyond upset with the living situation, which is hazardous, unsafe and unsanitary for me. There are FECES coming out of my shower/tub drain and the main heating unit in the apartment is not working. I asked about getting my security deposit back and leaving the premises by Feb 1 instead of Feb 28th as described on the lease. Dave (house manager) stated he would look into this with you. If this situation is not rectified within a timely manor, I am going to request that I be let out of my lease early so I can find livable, safe and sanitary housing for myself. I will also be looking into calling code enforcement and consulting a lawyer about my rights as a tenant in bio hazardous conditions.

  • Week for December 1, 2008- Was asked by house manager not to use shower or toilet, as there was an issue with the downstairs tenant’s apartment being inundated with waste and water from the other units. Was advised that this issue was resolved by the middle-end of the week.
  • December 7, 2008- I found feces and hair in the drain of my tub.
  • December 9, 2008- I found feces in my tub upon waking up in the morning. Called house manager to rectify the situation. Again, at night, found fecal matter in the drain of the tub. He stated that he would call the plumber to fix this and kept in contact with me to ensure that this issue was not happening anymore.
  • December 12, 2008- The main heating unit of the apartment did not have hot air coming out of it. Called house manager who came by and looked at it. Was able to correct it by blowing on a mechanism
  • December 13, 2008- The main heating unit did not work through the night and I saw house manager outside shoveling the property. Told him about it and he came inside. He determined that the board inside of the unit was not working. Kept in contact with me throughout the day to let me know that he would be ordering a new board to have replaced by the end of the week. Upon arriving home from being out for the day at 3 PM, there was feces in the tub again. Called him and asked him to come and see. He responded that he would be over shortly. House manager came to the apartment with tools at approximately 3:25 PM to look at the heating unit and the tub again.

Right now I'm at my boyfriend's house. He came to pick me up yesterday because I was soooooo angry with everything that's been going on. No heat in the winter. Poop in my tub. Thank G-d I am not in school right now, or else I'd probably go on a shooting rampage.


I DOUBLE DOG DARE that jerk landlord to try and stop me. I have pictures of the poop in the tub. I sent them to him plus the above e-mail.

Anyone need a roomate? I cook and I clean and I'm halfway decent looking....

Friday, December 19, 2008


I just ate a lot of pancakes. With walnuts, peanut buttah and lite sugar free butter flavahed syrup. I am in a happy place. For reals, ya'll.

Today is a Christmas party for job #1 (my full time position). I am technically on vacation from work but I like free food and celebrating so I am going in. I made my world famous "Cranberry Sass" which consists of: whole berry cranberry sauce, little canned mandarin oranges, pineapple chunks and walnuts mixed together in fruity nutty refreshing bliss. This recipe was invented when FGF didn't have enough cranberry to make a sauce and threw in other stuff to make it have more surface area. The rest they say is history. I hope I also get a present.

All presents are purchased at this time. Adam's Hanukkah gifts are in a bag and ready to go. Aside from the plaque I made him, he also gets: Band of Brothers on DVD, an Indiana Jones calendar, binocular strap thing for hunting, a green fleece, a chocolate silk pie, these cool wipe things for CD's and DVDs and ME! I'm the 8th present.

I got my mom this

because she has diabetes and her feets need love. I also bought her a George Foreman with removable plates (which kicks my Foreman's ass) so she can eat healthy. She is doing WW too and she's lost almost 20 lbs GOOOoOOOOooo Mama Fatty!

OK, time to return to bed to get my beauty rest for today's party.

Have a quality day.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

vacation boredoms

I have some neato styrofoam curlers in my hair and I am relaxing in my sweats and thinking about braving the snow to go get some peanut butter cup ice cream. Instead, I will write something that makes me feel good.

Look over there --------->
It says that I hit 160 lbs in March of 2008. I've bounced down from 155 and back up to 160.something but haven't gone over that mark since then.

I realized that this morning when I posted on TA's blogger about holiday eating/letting go (thank you!!!!). So in honor of celebrating positives, while mentioning negatives, because that's who I am, I will tell you a secret of sorts.

I have been on Weight Watchers for two years next month. I am not where I hoped I'd be, and I am not at lifetime weight. I dreamt that I would be thinner now, with more control over my appetite and pants size. I imagined I would be going to meetings for free and being offered a leader job to help other people lose weight. However, at my own pace (the most diplomatic way to say) I have managed to keep off 30+ pounds for almost a year now. So in the face of negativity, I have found something to be proud of.

I can think of what 33 pounds of hamburger meat looks like. Or a toddler. And while I still have more to lose, I think a toddler is a lot to keep off.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

living up to potential

Good morning. I am back. I have returned after a blogging/stalking hiatus as I ended my semester. I just tried to check my grades, but they aren't up yet. I have been sleeping and eating for the last few days and I realized a new obstacle of mine....


I have a problem with food intake and exercise when I'm off schedule. Spontaneity ruins my efforts and I get caught up in everything and forget what I'm doing. Maybe you suffer from this too? If I am working and then home every day, I plan my meals for the day and have time set aside for moving. I have packed lunch, packed snacks and healthy food for dinner when I get home. When I go out to eat, spend time away from home, go out with friends... I lose all of my willpower and eat whatever's in front of me. I've felt like crapola the last few days, with no moving and all moo-ing. I am so going to the gym today. My new health insurance gives me $300 for membership and healthy things I do. Woo hoo. I just have to get over the cold weather and get into my groove again.

Also? It helps when I post my stuff and stalk you peoples. It helps to reinforce what I'm doing or rather, what I am trying to do.

Here's to jumping BACK on the ball. And not falling over.

Whats the ball YOU keep falling over? And what are you gonna do about it??

Monday, December 15, 2008


vacay is glorious.
i've spent a lot of time sleeping and eating.
i have failed my 152 by 12.12.08 but i'm ok with it.
POWER OF NOW is decent so far. Still hokey but I'm into that feelings crap.
i will return to more normal posting and stalking you blogger buddies tomorrow! but today my boyfriend stayed home from work to hang out with me and i'm enjoying the good company.

<3 fgf

Thursday, December 11, 2008

oy vey!

I made my boyfriend a Hanukkah present

I know he doesn't read this, so I posted it to celebrate my craftiness. Adam likes hunting, as a sport. I like sleeping, as a sport. My semester of heck is officially OVA. Sunday begins my week of "No earning, no learning and no interning" aka my friggin vacation.

This upcoming week, I will finish holiday shopping and look for a new apartment. Without getting too graphic, I need to move out of here when my lease is up. I have had bouts of human waste exploding out of my shower drain into my tub. I have literally had some shit happen this week that I am not happy about. Add this, to the infestation of flies of the summer, the random stuff going wrong all of the time and....well, I think you're all smart enough to know what I mean.

I am weighing in tomorrow, after a week of half way decent food-i-tude. I am already exhausted from beginning to slow down. I didn't think that would be possible, but alas, it is true. I am reading a book called "The Power of Now" about Buddhism to enlighten myself during my break. Got it from an LMSW from my internship who said the book helped change his life. It seems a little hokey, but I respect his opinion, so I'll give it a try.

goodnight :-)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

i'm alive

I am currently cooking myself a rice & black bean burrito for dinner, whilst I attempt to begin a 7-12 page term paper due tomorrow night.

And writing to you.

This last week has been hectic. Stress isn't officially over until 7:15 PM on 12/9/08 when I hand in my last term paper for the semester. I cannot believe I made it through an entire semester of craziness!

This week I'm down 1.6 whole pounds and I don't know how that happened, but I'll take it. And run with it.


I was thinking about quitting WW and doing it all myself but today at weigh in, I talked with the WW leader and we have officially revised my final weight to a goal that more reflects where I really want to be. And so, with great pleasure and relief, I present you with my new lifetime membership goal weight:

150 lbs