Saturday, December 29, 2007

what a bummer

I just got magically motivated to go exercise, because I realized that I'm never going to lose 6 pounds (yes, I gained 3 this week. Consequently, I must lose 6 to get under 160 by 1/4/08) if I just lay in bed all day.

I am still utterly frustrated with not getting to my goal this time around, even when I get so close. I have to really kick it into high gear and remember what I want to look like every time I put something tasty in my mouth. Or even when I'm looking at/thinking about tasty food.

Although I am happy (and proud) to have lost 30 lbs, I still feel fat. I think I will always feel fat. I know I look so much better than I did last year at this time, and I have a much firmer body than the last time I lost the weight, I still feel a little uncomfortable. But more than anything, I am angry that I'm stuck in the 160's since June. If I was going at my beginning rate (like when I first started losing last year, 10 pounds every 3 months), I should have been at goal by now at least.

Now I'm 166.2 lbs and wearing spandex so I can go out for a walk or hit up the weight machine in my gym room.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

exercise is not an option

SO this week I was disgusting.

My weight watchers tracker is filled with FATASS, FATTY, and GROSS on all of the days of the week. Friday, I ate a ton. Saturday, I ate AND drank a ton. Sunday, I ate a ton of Chinese food in morning and didn't eat for the rest of the day. Monday, my intentions were good and I still managed to eat like a slob. Tuesday we will not mention, but I was definitely "jolly" at my best friend's house (I figure I only get to eat her mom's Christmas meal once a year). Yesterday, I was kind of good and so far today I'm doing well.

But I don't feel like exercising.

Or weighing in tomorrow.

I have exactly 1 week to weigh 160 or less and I don't think I can get it. I have really disappointed myself. Maybe once the holidays are over I can stop this cycle of trying not to eat, then feeling guilty because I overdo it? I'm almost tempted to just stay in this range and give up trying to lose anymore, because my body is obviously happy at 164-167 lbs.

OK, OK, fine I'll weigh in tomorrow morning.
But I can't promise I'll post the weight if it sucks.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

a little note

exercising when you don't feel like it,
is like pulling rotten teeth out of your head...
at first it hurts
but then you feel so much better once it's done

Friday, December 21, 2007

things things thingies

My room is a mess. I have some last minute Christmas gifts to buy. BUT...I am exhausted. This new job, these new hours, are kicking my ass. For real, yo.

In other news, I lost 2.6 pounds this week. At 7:30 this morning, I was back down to 163.2 lbs. By 1 PM this afternoon, I think I gained 8 pounds back. We had an office "Holiday" Party and I ate like a slob. Boy did it feel good. I worked SOO DAMN HARD to lose weight this week, I was not expecting a 2.6 loss at all.

Consequently, I am not eating dinner this evening and I will lay in bed and relax alllllll night. If I get a hunger pain, I know it will be purely psychological and I will ignore it. I have noticed the very beginnings of defined abdominals and that I don't sweat when I work out. This could either be that I am not working hard enough ~OR~ that it's fucking freezing outside.

This week, I resolve to exercise at least 4 times (possibly tonight if I get anymore energy), NOT overdo it at Christmas at Meg's house and to keep up the good work of still not smoking cigarettes (its been approximately 14 days since I bought any!)

Tomorrow, Adam and I drive out to Corning to see Alexis for her birthday. Today was my only bad day, and tomorrow the only bad thing I will do is drink. Because I have a goal to weigh UNDER 160 by the new year (or 1/4/2008 which is the weigh in day) and I have 2 weeks to get there.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

oh well

live or DIEt

This week I gained back a pound and I think I'm OK with it. Aside from the fact that I was really good all week, as my new job only gives half an hour lunch break and I brought my own lunch everyday. I also move around A LOT more than I did at the old place. The bathroom is down the hall, as is the kitchen and the cars we use are about a block away. I ate reasonably healthy all week, I didn't over do it at my multi-cultural counseling celebration. I think the gain happened because I had a lot of salt on Thursday and Adam took me out to dinner on Thursday.

Did I mention I quit smoking...again??? Well, I did. I quit and I'm doing well so far. I hope this time is for real.

This was one of those weeks where I thought I did well and I ended up gaining. I think my body L I K E S being the 160's. I haven't dropped from the 164 range since, well, I'm not sure when it happened exactly but I've been maintaining this weight for months now. If I don't get below 160 by the new year, people will die. OK, not really, but I'm trying to prove a point or something. Also, I'm very bored with no school work to do. Maybe I'll go work out or water color paint. Probably end doing both.

This week I resolve to lose at least a pound again and to exercise 4 times before Friday so I look nice in pictures.

Sunday, December 9, 2007


Tomorrow is a BIG day. This week is going to be interesting.
I start my new job AND finish my semester by Wednesday.
* * *
The one thing I'm worried about?
If I'm allowed to eat at my desk at work during the day, and when they're going to let me eat lunch....

Friday, December 7, 2007

Last day of work

Ahh! Today is my last day of work at CMS. The feelings are bittersweet. I'm happy to move on, but very sad at the same time.

This week, people have been taking me out to lunch. Tuesday, I went to Junior's and ate HALF of a Chicken Cordon Bleu panini and amazing french fries. Instead of eating it all, I gave the other half of the meal to my pregnant co-worker, who's baby needed it more than I did. That night, I had a cup of yogurt and a granola bar for dinner. Yesterday, my program had a pizza party for me. I ate a slice of sausage pizza, a slice of broccoli and had 3 wings and lots of M&M's. I came home and ended up eating a salad for dinner. I had a little bit of a hunger pain, but I ignored it because I knew it was not for real and that I just wanted to eat something bad. I got a sticker in my meeting for eating wisely this week. I wish I had more time to exercise.

(Kristen & I, 11/30/07 @ Appletini's)

(Tina & I, 11/30/07 @ Appletini's)

(Work Mom & I, 12/6/07)

(Michelle, my boss & I, 12/6/07)

So, this week I lost another 1.4 lbs off my holiday weight gain and I'm in my happy place again. I don't know if I would say HAPPY, but a more comfortable place. I definitely feel better at 164 than I did at 167. Those 3-4 pounds make a difference in my pants.

Arms: 11
Hips: 38
Waist: 32
Weight: 164.6 pounds