a new/old vice

3 words, 4 syllables.
Laughing Cow Cheese.
The light version.
I dumped it into my whole wheat pasta, frozen veggie, seafood toss up and it felt....indulgent.
I cannot believe how guilty I felt eating something that in actuality cost me about 9 POINTS!

MMmmMmMmmm MmMmm gooooos.

In other news, Adam & I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary this weekend and he is taking me to Boston, MA to visit the famous Aquarium. He rented a hotel and everything! I am going to try my best to behave food wise this weekend!

(I will count walking around as my exercise.)

anything after BUT....

I meant to stop by sooner. Anything after BUT is usually B.S.

I spent $345 on a letter accepting me for a $200 exam however I am officially accepted to take the NBCC (National Board of Certified Counselors) test once I am ready. Whoooohooo??

I did Wendie Plan-esque type eating this past week. I was starting to feel less bloated and more happy by the weekend. Then we went to a wedding and a reception and a party and I do not feel as light or free. Numbers on a scale are not a measure of who I am. I have to learn to get this thing right. Eating healthy and treating myself well are priority. I am going to go for a quick jog/walk this evening, just to say I did. That will be 4 stars this week, with Wedsm Thurs & Sat being off from exercise days.

On Friday, I approached the happy looking trainer at the gym to see his rates/get a feel for his personality. He is a 52 yr old African American man who smiles while he murderizes his clients, laughs with them and looks like he really enjoys it. I am still weighing my options.

whoa whoa whoa

I start by saying how abso-friggin-lutely *THRILLED* I am with all of the great insight you readers gave me from my last post. I respect your opinions and I'm glad I have a sounding board to get feedback. As I type, I am trying to muster up the energy to go outside and enjoy the last of today's sunshine with a brisk run/walk. I am seriously considering a go at a fitness class at my gym. That would mean I'd actually have to go to said gym and look up the schedule. But I digress...

Today I went grocery shopping. I love grocery shopping. Almost as much as shoes shopping. I dabbled in the healthy foods section and I did halfway decent. HOWEVER, I must remind myself of this mantra:

~*GOOD FOOD ISN'T CHEAP
and
CHEAP FOOD ISN'T GOOD*~

Holy !#$^@# MONEYBALLS! I can't believe how much I spent. I have been buying the same old foods for over two years because they are safe. I know how many WW POINTS! are in them and I know how to cook them and ALL THAT JAAZZ. But it's not working anymore.

I am taking my own G-ddarn advice starting....now! Optimal health is NOT just about looking good in a bathing suit. It's about feeling good inside of myself. Blah blah blah. I am seeing how old patterns and being comfortable became a chore, and now I need to stop worrying about how much I weigh and focus on how I feel. I eat the same things over and over again and I don't exercise as hard as I could.

The tools I gained initially during my several stints at weight loss taught me a lot. However, I must continue evolving as a weight losing, healthy beast of a woman and continue challenging myself. At 193 lbs, eating a vegetable and walking around the block helped me shed a few pounds. Now my body is used to being more active and being fed better foods. So I think I have to switch it up and stop just getting by with my health & fitness routine.

please contribute to my ego below, k'thanks.

ahhh.... push it!?!?

INSIGHTFUL FACTOID: I don't *push* myself as hard as I could/would/should at the gym.

I mainly do exercise for the movement factor. Bare minimum. I feel better when I move and then get to make stars on my calendar. I exercised with my friend K who used to be a female body builder last week and she basically kicked my ass. Technically I am "smaller" than her but she is in far better shape than I am. K had me running up and down steps, running when I didn't want to and cursing at her. It was the hardest I had worked out in a long time...

Mayhaps my ability to get to the next level of fitness is hindering me from losing the last of this weight???

But I am soooo tired after work that I want to move to say I did it! And I can't wake up in the morning to exercise because I am tired then too.

Which brings me to my next thingie. K worked me out, and although I was slightly embarrassed by my huffing, puffing and passing occasional gas during the run, I was OK. I am terrified to get a personal trainer! I don't want a stranger to see me struggle.