Tuesday, December 22, 2009

conclusion?

I went out and bought a journal. It says "LEARN from yesterday. LIVE for today. HOPE for tomorrow." on the cover. This, aside from my regular journal, my food journal and my blog is to serve as my "honest about what the fuck is going on with me" journal. I have already filled about 5 pages of the little bugger with rants and raves too personal to share with you, world.

I am trying to explore as to whether or not I have an eating disorder. Or if I'm just neurotic.

As a mental health professional, I can't really diagnose myself. It's not ethical and it's not a good idea. I re-read this blog (3 yrs and counting!!!) and I see myself as this once passionate young woman who got caught up in stress and self-defeating purposes. I used to blog regularly, told the readers my weight (loss) and struggles and it used to be light-hearted and funny. I'd post pictures of what I was doing and eating. Now I write intermittently and I whine when I do it. I can try to pinpoint when getting healthy wasn't fun anymore. It lost it's luster and began to consume me, while I consumed the bad stuff.

So, in conclusion, I've come to the realization that I need to make things fun and exciting again. I need to treat this weight loss thing not like a job, but like a relationship, with myself. The last few months...OK, year, has been difficult because I choose to stay stuck. I'm jumping OFF the misery train, leaving the pity party and yadda yaddaa...

I feel better already.


5 comments:

K-Ris, Your Partner in Fitness said...

good for you hun!

Victoria said...

You can do it! I understand the feeling of getting stuck in a place that is not always good but the strength you use to get out of it and the hope you have will get you through! I know you can do it and form a better relationship with yourself! Good Luck

Me said...

Go you!
Get out and enjoy loosing weight again!
(I know it's what I should be doing...)
Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Rockin Austin said...

Merry Christmas! I hope you keep blogging, I've always enjoyed reading, no matter what the material.

fattygetsfit said...

Thanks for the support!