Some soul searching and some researching.
I know how to eat healthy and I know how to exercise and I know how to lose weight. These are RATIONAL STATEMENTS.
I still view myself as a chubber. Chubbers don't always eat the best they can. Chubbers don't have to or want to go to the gym everyday. Chubbers don't lose weight. I have a "fat person self image." These are MY SUBCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS.
I hold myself back because somewhere deep inside my psyche, I choose to think of myself one way because that's the way I've always thought of myself. Held back, I get frustrated and justify inactivity or succumbing to peer pressure to eat because it's what I've always done... And "if you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got."
Drumroll please? I lose weight, hover above the number and sabotage myself because if you lose something, your subconscious looks for it. I may be scared of what happens should I actually achieve my goals? Do I deserve them? What am I really afraid of, besides shedding my chubby girl image?
I still view myself as a chubber. Chubbers don't always eat the best they can. Chubbers don't have to or want to go to the gym everyday. Chubbers don't lose weight. I have a "fat person self image." These are MY SUBCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS.
I hold myself back because somewhere deep inside my psyche, I choose to think of myself one way because that's the way I've always thought of myself. Held back, I get frustrated and justify inactivity or succumbing to peer pressure to eat because it's what I've always done... And "if you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got."
Drumroll please? I lose weight, hover above the number and sabotage myself because if you lose something, your subconscious looks for it. I may be scared of what happens should I actually achieve my goals? Do I deserve them? What am I really afraid of, besides shedding my chubby girl image?
2 comments:
So good to see you again, wish you would blog more often, but I understand the time contraints. I can so relate to this. The "cubbby" thin girl syndrome.
I get this.
I've always been too heavy/overweight/big/fat, whatever you want to call it.
It's become part of who I am, I guess. That's hard to let go. It's hard to try and live the fantasy/dream. Hard to really get down to the weight/size I would love to be. Mind you that's not a really skinny size/weight, either.
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