Monday, June 11, 2007

the down side to downsizing?!

Saturday night/Sunday morning, after a night out at my usual watering holes, I came home frustrated. If you stalk my myspace blog, I wrote an angsty entry about how I don't like guys who aren't my boyfriend touching me. I also wrote about the irony of men telling me I'm angry all of the time. My apologies for being redundant.

Yesterday, while I spent the day laying on the couch in complete and utter worthlessness, I had a moment of clarity. I'm thinking I was so pissy because I was uncomfortable. Instead of being pleased by this, which is what I *thought* I would feel, I was confused by it.

(Mel & I somewhere on Lark Street, although I'm not positive which bar it was at.)

There was one instance in particular made me lose my cool. My friend Melody and I were playing pool with two guys. The one who was trying to "get with" me, kept touching my stomach like he owned me.


Don't touch my stomach. Don't touch me. Don't demean my intelligence and treat me like some idiot girl. I guess this is the down side to downsizing. If I ever see him out again, I'm going to punch him in the head. Needless to say, I walked away from him. I don't think he liked it very much. I don't think I care. As I type this, I get angrier thinking about it. Like fuming.

Most likely it's that I'm just sad because I really want something warm and chocolate or that pasta dish I keep seeing on commercials for Olive Garden. But the point is, as much as I love feeling good about myself, and looking better, I am not flattered by the men I've been meeting lately. It doesn't make me feel special when a guy treats me like I'm supposed to be happy he's paying attention to me. I may not be a beauty queen, I may not be a stick figure but I have something that a lot of girls don't. Good self-esteem.

Also-I have officially gained a pound back. While I was slightly disappointed, I didn't stay that way for long. I exercised 4 x's last week. I wrote down everything I ate, and everything I felt in my new food journal. Unfortunately, this is a PMS week. Like when I gained 3 lbs in Jacksonville, match up hot weather/salty food/booze on a Saturday night and water retention and there you have it. I know this pound will come off by next Monday, I'm not worried. This is a cycle I will have to notice and take extra care to work on.

Today I went food shopping and purchased the spray-on salad dressing. I have to say, it's pretty tasty. In addition to this, I bought some 100-calorie snack packs and new juice mixes to keep my water-drinking fun and exciting. I also brought a butt-load of fresh veggies and lean meats and spent well over $100. I cringe when I go grocery shopping. For serious. I had avoided a big shopping trip for a long time and I paid dearly for it. AS a helpful tip, I wrote down what I wanted to buy and didn't stray from the list, even though I wanted to buy sourdough pretzels something fierce.

Arms: 11"

Current Weight: 171.6

Cumulative Stats: 22 lost total/13 inches gone from body
Goals: 23 to 148
This week I resolve to: Keep drinking water. Keep tracking. Keep up the good work!

Thank you to my Tito for finding this one on Post-Secret and sending it to me.

No comments: