probably the best post i will ever write, ever

I'm writing tonight, because I will not have time for the rest of the week until weigh-in day. Between work (still 2 jobs), school, homework and date-night with Adam...I will be a busy chicky.

Kudos to: ME! I ran 1 whole mile on Monday. I haven't ran in forever. I figured I'd try a nice jog since I've lost so much weight and quit smoking and I did great! Good for me!

Yesterday, while wearing a pair of size 10 jeans, I realized for the first time ever, where the weight comes off on me.

(This is the part where I explain what the heck I'm talking about, so bear with me)

Most people who have lost weight, can list the places on their bodies where the weight comes off easiest/quickest. For example, some women lose in their thighs right away. Others lose their tetas (boobies) when they shed major poundage. I can proudly say that while I've lost lots of inches around my whole body, I've lost the most in my waist and I've also lost A LOT of BUTT.

Now don't get me wrong, my boyfriend still has plenty to grab. I wear pants that fit me the right way in the right places, I'm lacking a little in the buns department. OK that last statement was kind of a lie. Most of my dress/work pants are still 12's and they sag in the tush. But to be fair, my 10's were a little baggy in the rear. Regardless, my butt has been compacted due to all of the hard work I've put in. I just really wish my boobs would go away.

In other news, I've survived (just barely) my 1st week back to graduate school. If the work load doesn't kill me, I will probably kill myself.

And here, is the best part of the post. I've compiled a list of 10 things I've learned on my diet journey and I will share with you some of my secrets:

1. "If you are not hungry enough to eat an apple, then you aren't really hungry." - I got this gem from my WW magazine and it's really, really true.
2. I am really, really into cheese. I love cheese, a lot. Instead of buying cheese slices or bricks of cheese, I've purchased some low-fat shredded cheese to add to my sandwiches and eggs and on wraps as fake quesadillas. Although right now I would give YOUR left arm for a slice of thick sliced, yellow American Land-O-Lakes brand deli cheese (Yes, I know brands!) I'm finding that if you melt the shredded stuff you can still enjoy cheesy goodness. And without all of the guilt associated with it.
   
3. That being said, having only 1 piece of deli meat/cheese goes a long way. Even though I rarely ever eat the stuff, 1 slice is now sufficient for me. Your sammy won't taste any different whether or not you have 1 slice or 7, but you save A LOT of points (calories, fat, etc) if you skip the extras and just take what you need. If you think about it, each slice of meat is 2 points (roughly 120 calories) and it adds up quickly. When you only get so many points allowed per day, you seriously consider what you'd use them on and what you can live without.
   
4. If I'm trying not to overeat at a function or I'm hungry with low points left, I might just consume a giant bowl of salad (1/2 a bag from the bagged salad thingies I buy). Add extra veggies for fun. For some reason, eating all of that lettuce tricks my tummy and my brain into thinking I'm full. I think the lettuce touches sensors in the tum-tum sending a signal to my brain that I'm sassi-fied.
   
• Another trick, that took me FOR-EV-ER to learn and perfect is this. When you're at a BBQ, buffet or at a dinner table with lots of options, ONLY TAKE WHAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT. After that funeral I wanted to stuff a bagel with cream cheese and lox into my face. Instead, I thought about it and what I really wanted was sweets so I ate fruit and 3 cookies instead. And I felt a lot better about my choices. A rule for me is to eat what I couldn't eat on a normal day, or to order something I couldn't get anywhere else.
  
5. I used to make meats & veggies sauteed in oil to put over pastas or rices. I've learned that sometimes it's OK to just eat that stuff, not over anything. It tastes JUST as good plus I get to eat more of it and put grated cheese on it! Yum-O
6. Whatever I'm craving, be it bacon or pizza (2 of my most recent!) there is always a lighter alternative. I've recently found some veggie bacon (made from tofu I think) that actually tastes pretty darn close to the real thing. I'm able to eat 2 slices of it for the price of 1 and that's a positive. If I have to have the real thing, I just try to eat 1/2 of it. And try not to cry.
   
7. For some reason, spicy things fill me up quicker. I know they're supposed to help with metabolism but I feel fuller when I have spicy stuff.
   
8. When out at a restaurant, just put 1/2 of your entree away immediately and save yourself. This one's a no-brainer.
   
9. Don't confuse hunger with dehydration. I used to do that, until I began drinking a ridiculous amount of water everyday. Now, I feel awful when I don't get to. And my pee is darker and smells weird.
   
10. Getting a good night's sleep (i.e. going to bed at a normal hour) really helps. In college, I would eat just to stay awake and do my homework. Getting to bed helps.
    

I've been REALLY good today and for the entire week. I'm hoping that getting back to routine will set me straight and get me back on track so I can lose this weight. I have two important weddings coming up that I need to be hot for! Plus, I just wanna look better and be at goal weight already!!!!!

Here's to hoping there's less of me next time. And maybe some of this has helped you too?
<3

back to skoooool?!?

That time of year has approached. This evening I begin my 3rd full time semester of graduate school. As stated previously, I'm excited to learn but not excited to read textbooks or write papers. And now, I'm not even sure I want to do this for the rest of my life. I am seriously considering a career change (before I even start one, I might add) to being a teacher(?!) or even a school counselor?! This has absolutely nothing to do with my fatgirlblogging, but it's something thats now on my mind besides food.

I digress...

My Friday began very stressfully, finding out that one of my relatives died and that I would have to figure out a way to get home for a funeral in LI on Sunday morning. Pair that up, with aggravation and chaos at work and it turned out to be a rough day. I had to go into Talbot's to work after work, which only added to my frustration (remind me that I need to QUIT!) and luckily found someone to cover my Sunday shift. While I working at the register towards the end of the night, in walks Adam with a purple rose for me because he knew I had such a shitty day. I am a very lucky girl.

Sunday, I went to the funeral. I saw a bunch of relatives I didn't remember, who remember me as a baby and not a voluptuous 23 year old with tattoos and spike heels. At least I got to tell them I was a graduate student? After the funeral and cemetery, we headed over to someone's house and there was a giant spread of Jewish foods including: salted fish, bagels, cream cheese, tuna/egg/whitefish/potato salads, cookies and fruit. I chose to make a plate of fruit and a cookie or two, instead of eating salty Jew food. It was PAINFUL not to make a bagel with lox and eat it. But I persevered.

For dinner, I went with my mom and her friend Jackie to a Jewish deli back at home, and ended up eating: salty Jew food. And man, was it good.
Mommy & me pic (do we even look related??!?!)

I am still successfully a NON-SMOKER (2 weeks strong!) and I've recently began an attempt to stop eating my cuticles.

So today, was weigh-in day....and how did I do?

I, Jillian, lost the 2.6 pounds I had gained last week! Wohoooo!
Measurements:
Arms: 11"
Hips: 38"
Legs: 22
Waist: 32

167.2 pounds of woman! Only 2 more pounds for my goal of weighing 165 by next week. Ummm, I really hope that happens! I'm setting up more goals soon and I'd really love to write more but I've got A LOT to do and not so much time to get it done!!!

lunch break report!

A quickie mid-week review (as per special request from Alexis A. Darling) as I have snuck home for a lunch break and will return to work, only to go to Talbots where I may or may not be giving my 2 weeks notice.

• Quitting smoking has increased my appetite ridiculously. I'm still trying to figure out if it's mental hunger or physical hunger. Either way, I'm starving. But not wasting away like I hoped. I think it's mental hunger that causes me to stuff food into my face. At least I'm not sucking down chocolate candy bars like last week. I am aware that food is not filling a whole where ciggies once were. Maybe food just tastes better when your tongue isn't covered in nicotine.

• Quitting has also made me irrational in some ways and very, very irritable.

• Yesterday I had a picnic at work, and for the first time in a long time, I consumed delicious deli-meat. It took up almost 1/2 of my daily points allowance but was totally worth it. My sandwich consisted of:
• 1 slice of ham (2 pts)
• 1 slice of turkey (2 pts)
• 1 slice of roast beef (2 pts)
• 1 slice of processed american cheese (2 pts)
• on a wheat roll/bun thingie (2 pts)
• TOTAL: 10 points of heaven
  
• Today I only ordered 1 donut from Dunkin Donuts, although my heart told me to order 2. I could have even saved money on the special combo if I ordered 2. But I didn't. Fuck my wallet and fuck my waistline. And fuck you, you jerk.
  

OK, thats my update. Today while meeting with my boss, I requested Saturdays OFF. She asked me if there was any particular reason. Now don't get me wrong, I love my boss. BUT I DON'T WANT TO WORK ON FRIGGIN SATURDAYS ANYMORE! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LEAVE FRIGGIN ALBANY FOR A WEEKEND AND MAYBE GO HOME? ON A NICE WEEKEND GET-A-WAY? BE ABLE TO DRINK ON A FRIDAY NIGHT AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT COMING IN HUNGOVER?! WORK LIKE A REGUALR ADULT AND HAVE A REGULAR WORK-WEEK!?!?!?!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I told her it was because I wanted to have a normal work week, I've been working Saturdays for them almost 2 years and I wanted some change.

Back to work. And shitty Talobot's. Wish me luck this weekend. Hopefully there will be less of me on Monday :-)

sore & swollen

(If only losing weight was as fun & easy as learning to shoot a gun!)

Now don't get me wrong, I knew I was going to have a gain this week. But I was certainly NOT anticipating a gain of 2.5 pounds.

Back at the dreaded 169, only a pound away from 170 made me very emotional today.

Measurements:
Arms: 11"
Hips: 38"
Legs: 22
Waist: 32

On the upside, I ate a ton of chocolate this week because yes, I quit smoking AGAIN. But this time very seriously. I tried to be good. But it obviously didn't work. Not writing down every piece of chocolaty goodness ended up screwing me over. Chocolate: 1 ~ Jillian: 0

This week, I'm done with being lax about eating. I am ridiculously cranky and sensitive right now but I'm going to kick my own butt. Today at my WW meeting, an older lady said something that made me really stop and think. Think hard and remember why I'm trying to lose the rest of this weight:

"Not writing down everything you eat is like cheating in solitaire."

And I had a light bulb moment. I am setting a goal for myself to be 165 lbs by Labor Day. I was so close and August has totally kicked my butt. But I don't feel hopeless, just frustrated temporarily. If I get to this goal weight by goal time, I will treat myself to a pedicure. Or a new pair of shoes. Something with my feet.

So my weekend? It was wonderful. Let's start in pictures (there are only 3, this will be short):


Here we are, at Adam's work picnic. We switched sunglasses and I made him take a picture with me. I only ate a palm sized amount of venison steak, a scoop of macaroni salad and a scoop of baked beans. AND I played horsehoes (which I am not awesome at) I drank quite a few beers, but behaved foodwise. We got back to his parent's house and ended up eating a very late Shabbos dinner with his mom and very religious/Jewish father. Bread and butter is divine. His mom is a great cook. I overate. The end.

Saturday, we went 4-wheeling on his Kawasaki and I had a blast.... That is until he let me drive and I crashed into this pine tree. Luckily, we weren't hurt. I was wearing a helmet and gloves. But, there is a bruise on my rib, my arm and my whole body is sore. Still. After a nap, we ate left overs from the night before. Still very delicious. Still ate too much.


Finally, Sunday we went to his next door neighbors house and made hot pepper relish. Then, I got to shoot one of his rifle's. And I got a bullseye (see pic ALL the way at the top) As he was driving me home, we ended up eating dinner at a Chinese Buffet type place.

I ate a lot this weekend, but I also DID a lot this weekend. It's actually nice to have a boyfriend who wants to actually DO things with me besides eat and screw.

Today I start fresh, with goals in place and a mindset to get there.

the closest i'll get to being catholic or "ode to karen"

First, a few photos from Kristen's b-day in Saratoga:

Before I explain today's title, I would like to give kudos to Tito and Eric for their recent (and finally!) serious efforts to be healthy. Not only will you both be really tall, but also even better looking. Your wedding photos will be worthy of other people's envy. I want to put a dirty comment about how much more energy you'll have to make sexy time together once you lose weight... but Tito's mom reads this. So enter a witty/perverted comment here: ____________________.

So back to my title! Today, after returning from a brief hiatus, I went to a very good meeting. We talked about "Weigh-in confessionals" which is when you step on the scale, you confess everything to the receptionist who weighs you in. I am very guilty of this phenomenon. My weigh-in lady's name is Karen. Each week (except for the past 2) I am greeted with a smile by Karen. Then I step on the scale and am either: a) ecstatic (relieved) that I've lost some weight; b) upset that all of the cheese and booze actually caught up with me or c) neutral feeling, b/c I know I was "bad" and deserved whatever I gained. And each week, Karen is supportive of me. So naturally, I confess all of my "sins" to Karen. I tell how hard to get back on track, or how much I tried to have a good week. I also tell her when I've been really, really bad.

It turns out I'm not the only person in the world who does this.

At today's meeting, we ended up talking about how people from the outside (i.e. skinny people, fat people not on WW) just don't understand us sometimes. I brought up a story that just happened yesterday. Adam and I went to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast and I ordered a bagel with my cream cheese on the side. Then he asked me why I did it, before remembering and having an "oh duh!" moment. He's actually really good about being supportive and I haven't driven him crazy with talk of points yet. We've also discussed how he really likes my body now but also admits to being happy that he'll be there when "my stock goes up"

In other news, I bought lots of new food at the stupid market today. I needed to mix things up, and I want to eat all of it right now. At the moment I'm eating these Veggie Bite things, that feel like I'm eating fried appetizer-like food. They're portabella mushroom/mozzarella thingies and I baked them. And I got to feel like a cheater for 4 points.

So, as expected, I gained a pound over the last 2 weeks. And I told Karen that although I'm disappointed, I totally expected it.

Weight: 167.2 (and I'm STILL under 170 pounds!!!!!)

I also got to be proud of myself remembering that before I did WW, I would have eaten 2-3 times what I eat now when I'm "splurging" and that's to be rewarded. With cottage cheese and fruit b/c I'm still hungry after these Veggie things.

love/hate

I have a love-slash-hate relationship with my body lately.

There are so many things I LOOOOVEEEE about my body. I love the fact that I have a waist now. I love that I have relatively flat stomach, collar bones and a tighter butt. I love that I have more energy for EVERYTHING (and I do mean, e v e r y t h i n g) being a lot lighter. I love, love, love feeling healthy and strong.

I hate:
my boobs (would like a reduction!)
my bingo fat arms* (liposuction?)
cellulite on the backs of my thighs (can't really do much for that)

sillyjilly22 8: yeah well my arms are like bingo fat

sillyjilly22 8: im like an old lady with fat bingo arms

SkiBuni35: what are bingo arms?

sillyjilly228 : fat old lady arms

SkiBuni35: oh

SkiBuni35: bc fat old ladies like to play bingo?

sillyjilly22 8: yes.

and why the heck am I so friggin' hungry?

badda bing*

I just got back from the gym, where I believe I sweat out about 3 pounds of cheese that I ate this weekend. This does not account for the other 3 pounds of cheese or food with cheese on it, or pepperoni or brownies or anything else that I consumed. I was gross this weekend. I ate, I drank and I got a dollar from a man at the titty bar for having bigger boobs than the stripper.

I am so not weighing in this week. At all. I should, but I'm giving myself a break to get back onto track.

Here are just a few pictures of my weekend fun:

Cheater

Yeah, I found out yesterday that I had previously asked for today off. So, like anyone with an obligation to report their weight to people who read their fatgirlblog, I went to Weight Watchers this morning to see how I had done.

I am happy to report that I lost about 1/2 a pound this week, making the grand total:

166.2 pounds

or really, 27 gone
18 to go

I'm also weighing in now, because this weekend is going to be pretty disgusting. And by disgusting, I mean that I will be eating and drinking like a hurricane in Corning, NY.

So maybe you won't get an update on Monday? But you'll get something.