This was taken last August when I got my tattoo. I am in pain. My boyfriend is laughing. He ALWAYS manages to find joy in my misery ;-)
In approximately 1 week from today, I will be done with my internship hours. They are interviewing me to keep me there as a Clinician wherever they can put me. This will be on Wednesday. By next Friday, the other job I have been waiting a month to find out about will have an answer for me as to whether or not they want to hire me as well.
I am praying that by 4/17/09 I will have my post-graduate employment situated.
Pray with me now.
I've gained 2 pounds back and I'm starting to scare myself with certain patterns, behaviors and feelings that I didn't realize until my boyfriend pointed #1m out. Then I noticed the other things...
EXAMPLE #1-I go to the grocery store and only buy what I need for the week/few days at a clip. I do not have much extra food laying around because I don't want to even be remotely tempted to eat it. I get mini-anxiety attacks if I have to buy more food then I'm used to. This is weird and unhealthy and never used to happen. Now I get scared if there is too much in my house. If it's there I WILL eat it.
EXAMPLE #2-I get very upset, near the point of tears, if I've eaten too much food in one sitting. I used to just laugh it off and/or take pride in my ability to hold that much food. Now I get fidgety and sad and uncomfortable. And I know that I am eating and not hungry but I can't help myself.
EXAMPLE #3- I have these awful feelings of being "fat" and "out of control" and not getting to my goal weight by now/sabotaging myself. I look in the mirror and I am getting pissed off that I havent hit 150 yet and that I keep eating and drinking and am not getting the results I want. I am tired of trying.
Here's to hoping I get a grip on this stuff and fix it before it turns into trouble.