Monday, November 16, 2009

angel versus devil

After my WW meeting this morning, I went grocery shopping with a WW Buddy, who is also a colleague of mine. She's a voice of reason for me. She's lost almost 20 lbs in the last few months while I continue to bobble between 170-171. She calls me her "food sponsor, because I am there if she has a question or needs to vent. I helped her to find yummy alternatives and new foods to try and she introduced me to WASA Crackers (which are shoo frigging delicious). I would grab a food and she would say "No. You want to be 160 by 2010." IT helped me tremendously to have a voice I had to listen to, giving me a good idea. It was fun going food shopping with someone who has like minded goals.

My current chief enabler is my other colleague from work. We've been hanging out a lot lately and she is always asking me to go our to eat. I decline, but after 2 declines I usually give in at the third request. I say "Look, _____. Taking me to a restauarant is like taking a drunk to a bar or a heroin addict to the block to score some dope. Can we doing something besides eat!?"

Well yesterday, she invites me over and then drops THE bomb on me. I agree to go out and get something "light." We pull up in front of PF Changs and Cheesecake Factory (these are both at the same mall) I tell her that vehicular manslaughter isn't technically a crime. I am slightly annoyed, slightly excited and not remotely hungry at all (I ate a snack before I left home). So we go into Cheesecake Factory and I order a Luau Salad, which is delicious. But I also ate: some of the breadbasket, some of my friend's Lousiana Chicken Pasta dish and split a slice of Red Velvet Cheesecake.

Afterwards, I feel defeated. I had the choice to say NO, but I didn't. I am angry that I ate anything at all. Doubly upset that I contemplated not going to WW today so I didn't have to face the scale. I gained .8 this week. I am making it a point to get my ass at the gym and eat well every day and stop these shananigans before I stab someone.

3 comments:

nic said...

Ok, I totally love your blog and you so I need to be sure you know this is not coming from a place of judgement.

BUT..

Even if you have to struggle, post something 100% positive. I don't care what it is, just that there is nothing negative or self destructive or reitterating mistakes or self depricating junk in it.

Do it, and see if that helps your motivation more than "confessing" (which is also important).

Exude power to draw power. You can SO do this, you just have to belive you can.

Rockin Austin said...

Nic has a good point. I do both in my blog, talk it out but then try to take something positive away from the experience. I'm glad you have a good friend and "voice." I had one on my WW journey long ago, it helped. :)

Me said...

I kind of understand where you are coming from.
I made it a goal (they help me focus) not to eat desserts this week. But the same day I wrote that, I ate a dessert. My reasoning: we had actually bought it for the weekend, but we didn't come round to eating it. So why not?
Of course that's crap reasoning, and it made me pretty frustrated with myself.
Yet, at the same time I had enjoyed the dessert immensely and I probably won't take any other dessert for the rest of the week.
I wasn't angry for long. Sometimes you slip, we're only human.