So this was a tough week.
A staff retreat for work on Wednesday proved to be a little more challenging than I thought it would be. Let's just say that taco dip is delicious and I liked it. Too much. After night class, I came home and did Pilates at 10 pm, because I felt so guilty.
Thursday, I ate everything in sight... again. I ran my first successful parenting group session (on my own!) and celebrated with 2 helpings of the most awesomest lasagna in the world, from a place called Ragonese's. Seriously, it was heavenly. I also ate meatballs, stuffed shells and visited my friend Michelle afterwards and had 2 glasses of white wine, hummus and garlic pita chips. Really mad at myself.
Yesterday morning, I woke up early to do the other Pilates tape I have and my day was going well until...happy hour. By the end of happy hour(s), I had accomplished quite a bit. Took pictures with a trans gendered he/she who wanted to borrow my shoes, competed for funniest person on the patio with a 70 yr old man, asked for a job waitressing at one bar, managed to get a bartender to charge me $5 for an $8 drink, and split 2 slices of pizza with my new friend Alex. I didn't want the pizza, but my friends thought it was a good idea. I ended up spending a lot of money that I shouldn't have spent. Pictures to follow, once Sally sends them to me.
I will not be surprised (neither should you) that I have gained at least a pound, maybe two, this week. Craving nicotine has increased my appetite. Being happy has increased it two-fold. I got a little cocky. I'm also really bored. I want a new tattoo, I want to get an animal (cat or a dog) and I can't because Jeff is allergic. I'd love to color my hair something fun, like get highlights? I want to do something new at work, I want to be done with school. It's always about what's next with me. I should learn to enjoy what's here. That's why I've been diagnosed as a destination addict by Oprah/Tito. It frustrates me to stay in one place.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
HUGE news
OK, actually quite the opposite.
This morning, I attempted to put on a pair of size 10 pants.
And they fit.
Old Navy, size 10, white, gaucho-capri style, NOT stretch, low-rise pants.
I'm hoping the rest of my day goes this well :-)
This morning, I attempted to put on a pair of size 10 pants.
And they fit.
Old Navy, size 10, white, gaucho-capri style, NOT stretch, low-rise pants.
I'm hoping the rest of my day goes this well :-)
Monday, June 11, 2007
the down side to downsizing?!
Saturday night/Sunday morning, after a night out at my usual watering holes, I came home frustrated. If you stalk my myspace blog, I wrote an angsty entry about how I don't like guys who aren't my boyfriend touching me. I also wrote about the irony of men telling me I'm angry all of the time. My apologies for being redundant.
Yesterday, while I spent the day laying on the couch in complete and utter worthlessness, I had a moment of clarity. I'm thinking I was so pissy because I was uncomfortable. Instead of being pleased by this, which is what I *thought* I would feel, I was confused by it.
(Mel & I somewhere on Lark Street, although I'm not positive which bar it was at.)
There was one instance in particular made me lose my cool. My friend Melody and I were playing pool with two guys. The one who was trying to "get with" me, kept touching my stomach like he owned me.
Read: I HATE THAT.
Don't touch my stomach. Don't touch me. Don't demean my intelligence and treat me like some idiot girl. I guess this is the down side to downsizing. If I ever see him out again, I'm going to punch him in the head. Needless to say, I walked away from him. I don't think he liked it very much. I don't think I care. As I type this, I get angrier thinking about it. Like fuming.
Most likely it's that I'm just sad because I really want something warm and chocolate or that pasta dish I keep seeing on commercials for Olive Garden. But the point is, as much as I love feeling good about myself, and looking better, I am not flattered by the men I've been meeting lately. It doesn't make me feel special when a guy treats me like I'm supposed to be happy he's paying attention to me. I may not be a beauty queen, I may not be a stick figure but I have something that a lot of girls don't. Good self-esteem.
Also-I have officially gained a pound back. While I was slightly disappointed, I didn't stay that way for long. I exercised 4 x's last week. I wrote down everything I ate, and everything I felt in my new food journal. Unfortunately, this is a PMS week. Like when I gained 3 lbs in Jacksonville, match up hot weather/salty food/booze on a Saturday night and water retention and there you have it. I know this pound will come off by next Monday, I'm not worried. This is a cycle I will have to notice and take extra care to work on.
Today I went food shopping and purchased the spray-on salad dressing. I have to say, it's pretty tasty. In addition to this, I bought some 100-calorie snack packs and new juice mixes to keep my water-drinking fun and exciting. I also brought a butt-load of fresh veggies and lean meats and spent well over $100. I cringe when I go grocery shopping. For serious. I had avoided a big shopping trip for a long time and I paid dearly for it. AS a helpful tip, I wrote down what I wanted to buy and didn't stray from the list, even though I wanted to buy sourdough pretzels something fierce.
Arms: 11"
Legs: 22" * WHY AM I NOT LOSING INCHES ANYMORE!??!
Waist: 33"
Hips: 38"
Current Weight: 171.6
Cumulative Stats: 22 lost total/13 inches gone from body
Goals: 23 to 148
This week I resolve to: Keep drinking water. Keep tracking. Keep up the good work!
Yesterday, while I spent the day laying on the couch in complete and utter worthlessness, I had a moment of clarity. I'm thinking I was so pissy because I was uncomfortable. Instead of being pleased by this, which is what I *thought* I would feel, I was confused by it.
(Mel & I somewhere on Lark Street, although I'm not positive which bar it was at.)There was one instance in particular made me lose my cool. My friend Melody and I were playing pool with two guys. The one who was trying to "get with" me, kept touching my stomach like he owned me.
Read: I HATE THAT.
Don't touch my stomach. Don't touch me. Don't demean my intelligence and treat me like some idiot girl. I guess this is the down side to downsizing. If I ever see him out again, I'm going to punch him in the head. Needless to say, I walked away from him. I don't think he liked it very much. I don't think I care. As I type this, I get angrier thinking about it. Like fuming.
Most likely it's that I'm just sad because I really want something warm and chocolate or that pasta dish I keep seeing on commercials for Olive Garden. But the point is, as much as I love feeling good about myself, and looking better, I am not flattered by the men I've been meeting lately. It doesn't make me feel special when a guy treats me like I'm supposed to be happy he's paying attention to me. I may not be a beauty queen, I may not be a stick figure but I have something that a lot of girls don't. Good self-esteem.
Also-I have officially gained a pound back. While I was slightly disappointed, I didn't stay that way for long. I exercised 4 x's last week. I wrote down everything I ate, and everything I felt in my new food journal. Unfortunately, this is a PMS week. Like when I gained 3 lbs in Jacksonville, match up hot weather/salty food/booze on a Saturday night and water retention and there you have it. I know this pound will come off by next Monday, I'm not worried. This is a cycle I will have to notice and take extra care to work on.
Today I went food shopping and purchased the spray-on salad dressing. I have to say, it's pretty tasty. In addition to this, I bought some 100-calorie snack packs and new juice mixes to keep my water-drinking fun and exciting. I also brought a butt-load of fresh veggies and lean meats and spent well over $100. I cringe when I go grocery shopping. For serious. I had avoided a big shopping trip for a long time and I paid dearly for it. AS a helpful tip, I wrote down what I wanted to buy and didn't stray from the list, even though I wanted to buy sourdough pretzels something fierce.
Arms: 11"
Legs: 22" * WHY AM I NOT LOSING INCHES ANYMORE!??!
Waist: 33"
Hips: 38"
Current Weight: 171.6
Cumulative Stats: 22 lost total/13 inches gone from body
Goals: 23 to 148
This week I resolve to: Keep drinking water. Keep tracking. Keep up the good work!
Thank you to my Tito for finding this one on Post-Secret and sending it to me.
Friday, June 8, 2007
on relapse, recovery & frustration
I'm proud to say that I've officially quit smoking (for the 3rd time) for 6 days, cold turkey, no cheating. I had started back up again, during what I will nicely refer to "THE MONTH FROM HELL" a.k.a. April and I'm done, for good this time. I know this, because I'm doing it smarter this time. Every morning, I smoked as I drank my coffee while I drove to work. I completely cut that trigger out and now I get my coffee at work. Every time this week, when I felt like smoking, I thought about how gross it smelled, how nasty of a habit it was, how I would get wrinkly and yellow and not be able to exercise as much. I also thought about how I would lose my sense of smell and taste. And that would interfere with eating. And that, my friends, is no bueno.
As a counselor, I know that part of recovery is relapse. So I'm not mad at myself for starting back up when I did. I used it as a crutch, to help calm myself because I was going through a really hard time. I can admit this. But the hard times are over and except for a little bump here and there, life is pretty decent for me at the moment. Time to buck up and quit for good. Which I plan on doing.
I relate the whole relapse/recovery cycle to weight loss. Last year, I lost a lot of weight. Then I relapsed and gained it back. Now I'm losing again (so happy now!) and I'm liking these positive changes I'm making. I like me. And that's good.
This week was "bumpy." Stress at work, finding out that I can't take my second summer class due to lack of funds and that my job isn't reimbursing me 100%, losing my ATM card and overall exhaustion from not being able to sleep anymore has taken its toll on me. Plus I'm not smoking. Nicotine is almost withdrawn from my system, but I still feel a little out of sorts. I think about the positives of these stressors. Now I can get that second job I've been talking about, I'm getting a new ATM card in the mail, the work week is basically over for me and...well I won't get a full night's sleep until something gets done with my cyst.
I responded to excess stress this afternoon by doing my Pilates DVD in my underoos. I so CANNOT wait until I look like Pilates ladies on my DVD.
As a counselor, I know that part of recovery is relapse. So I'm not mad at myself for starting back up when I did. I used it as a crutch, to help calm myself because I was going through a really hard time. I can admit this. But the hard times are over and except for a little bump here and there, life is pretty decent for me at the moment. Time to buck up and quit for good. Which I plan on doing.
I relate the whole relapse/recovery cycle to weight loss. Last year, I lost a lot of weight. Then I relapsed and gained it back. Now I'm losing again (so happy now!) and I'm liking these positive changes I'm making. I like me. And that's good.
This week was "bumpy." Stress at work, finding out that I can't take my second summer class due to lack of funds and that my job isn't reimbursing me 100%, losing my ATM card and overall exhaustion from not being able to sleep anymore has taken its toll on me. Plus I'm not smoking. Nicotine is almost withdrawn from my system, but I still feel a little out of sorts. I think about the positives of these stressors. Now I can get that second job I've been talking about, I'm getting a new ATM card in the mail, the work week is basically over for me and...well I won't get a full night's sleep until something gets done with my cyst.
I responded to excess stress this afternoon by doing my Pilates DVD in my underoos. I so CANNOT wait until I look like Pilates ladies on my DVD.
* * * * * * * *
Monday, June 4, 2007
fatty got FIT....so now what?!?!
Right now, in my possession, I have a bronze key chain symbolizing the fact that I reached my 10 % goal at Weight Watchers! This also means that I hit the original goal I set out to attain when I started this blog. As I type, I currently weigh:
Strangely, I am really emotional about it. More so than last time. Like teary eyed, feeling overwhelmed happy. There is one person in particular that I'd like to call up at this moment and share this awesome news with. I used to text him during every meeting to say how much I had lost that week. And I'd usually get such a positive response. Now, I text Tito (though I forgot today) because she has been one of the most supportive and consistent people as I lose. I also IM Amy when I get back from the meeting, because she's lost the weight the same way I'm doing it and she encourages me to keep going.
These Weight Watchers meetings really help me, as hokey as they may be to other people. At today's meeting, everyone clapped for me. And rightfully so, I'm fabulous. I raised my hand to share that I hit my 10% and I got my key chain and it felt soooo damn good. After the meeting, I stayed and set my lifetime goal weight. When I'm done, I will be 148 pounds. So basically, it's another 10% goal. My leader made me feel so great, telling me that the 22 pounds would be easy to accomplish and she's so proud of how far I've come. I also bought a 3-month journal for like $6 afterwards. It's a fun new way to track my eating, weight and measurements in a book. Now that I'm at 10% lighter, I'm going to take it even more seriously.
I've also made a colorful chart hanging up on my wall, near my desk. It has the weights: 190, 180, 170, 160, 150 and 148 and a line under each for when I reach that weight. Funny, I just looked at it and on 12/4/06 I was 190 lbs.
Arms: 11"
Legs: 22"
Waist: 33"
Hips: 38"
Current Weight: 170.4
Cumulative Stats: 23 lost total/13 inches gone from body
Goals: 22 to 148
This week I resolve to: get back on track with writing down my fo
od points, I lost focus this week, even though I ended up being successful!
UPDATED 6/5/07:
This weekend was fun. We went to Houlihan's at the Crossgates for dinner on Friday and I ate.... a salmon salad thingie. HOW BORING?!?! Above is a picture of me sampling 3 mini Margaritas. We saw "Knocked Up" and it made me want to have a baby. Then I stopped wanting to have a baby. Because, that's creepy.
Saturday night we went out to Lark Street, butI didn't feel so hot, so I only had 2 drinks over the course of 3-4 hours. I also ate the "crackcorn" popcorn there, but only because I was tempted by an old friend from college who actually held the basket for us, in the middle of the bar.
Here are some pics of 5/24/07 with my co-workers, Michelle & Kristen. We were celebrating my new official status as "PARENT EDUCATOR"
I really have to learn how to post pics better :)
170.4 pounds
Strangely, I am really emotional about it. More so than last time. Like teary eyed, feeling overwhelmed happy. There is one person in particular that I'd like to call up at this moment and share this awesome news with. I used to text him during every meeting to say how much I had lost that week. And I'd usually get such a positive response. Now, I text Tito (though I forgot today) because she has been one of the most supportive and consistent people as I lose. I also IM Amy when I get back from the meeting, because she's lost the weight the same way I'm doing it and she encourages me to keep going.
These Weight Watchers meetings really help me, as hokey as they may be to other people. At today's meeting, everyone clapped for me. And rightfully so, I'm fabulous. I raised my hand to share that I hit my 10% and I got my key chain and it felt soooo damn good. After the meeting, I stayed and set my lifetime goal weight. When I'm done, I will be 148 pounds. So basically, it's another 10% goal. My leader made me feel so great, telling me that the 22 pounds would be easy to accomplish and she's so proud of how far I've come. I also bought a 3-month journal for like $6 afterwards. It's a fun new way to track my eating, weight and measurements in a book. Now that I'm at 10% lighter, I'm going to take it even more seriously.
I've also made a colorful chart hanging up on my wall, near my desk. It has the weights: 190, 180, 170, 160, 150 and 148 and a line under each for when I reach that weight. Funny, I just looked at it and on 12/4/06 I was 190 lbs.
Arms: 11"
Legs: 22"
Waist: 33"
Hips: 38"
Current Weight: 170.4
Cumulative Stats: 23 lost total/13 inches gone from body
Goals: 22 to 148
This week I resolve to: get back on track with writing down my fo
od points, I lost focus this week, even though I ended up being successful!
<> <> <>
UPDATED 6/5/07:
This weekend was fun. We went to Houlihan's at the Crossgates for dinner on Friday and I ate.... a salmon salad thingie. HOW BORING?!?! Above is a picture of me sampling 3 mini Margaritas. We saw "Knocked Up" and it made me want to have a baby. Then I stopped wanting to have a baby. Because, that's creepy.
Saturday night we went out to Lark Street, butI didn't feel so hot, so I only had 2 drinks over the course of 3-4 hours. I also ate the "crackcorn" popcorn there, but only because I was tempted by an old friend from college who actually held the basket for us, in the middle of the bar.
Here are some pics of 5/24/07 with my co-workers, Michelle & Kristen. We were celebrating my new official status as "PARENT EDUCATOR"
I really have to learn how to post pics better :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
viral gastroenteritis
I'm currently in the process of recovering from a bout of viral gastroenteritis. Luckily, I didn't get the kind where I poop and puke until I'm more dehydrated than a 70 year old woman who chain smokes and sits in the tanning bed for 3 hours.
I got the version where my has stomach swelled up like I was 6 months pregnant (I now know what that's gonna look like THANKYOUVERYMUCH) and my glands are the size of golf balls in my neck, causing me to have a double chin. My joints are achy, so much that I have a hard time getting up and down from the toilet. I've been sitting at this comp for an extended period of time, but only because I know how it will feel when I try to stand up.
I haven't been to work and tonight I'm skipping class. I HATE missing work and school to be sick. I have a doctor's note to be excused from class due to illness. And I'm missing a quiz tonight. I have to get to work tomorrow, it's mandatory. I think I'm going to lay down and take another nap. Maybe something good will be on TV. Probably not.
Funny, I wanted to lose a pound this week to hit 10% goal but I didn't want it to be like this.
I got the version where my has stomach swelled up like I was 6 months pregnant (I now know what that's gonna look like THANKYOUVERYMUCH) and my glands are the size of golf balls in my neck, causing me to have a double chin. My joints are achy, so much that I have a hard time getting up and down from the toilet. I've been sitting at this comp for an extended period of time, but only because I know how it will feel when I try to stand up.
I haven't been to work and tonight I'm skipping class. I HATE missing work and school to be sick. I have a doctor's note to be excused from class due to illness. And I'm missing a quiz tonight. I have to get to work tomorrow, it's mandatory. I think I'm going to lay down and take another nap. Maybe something good will be on TV. Probably not.
Funny, I wanted to lose a pound this week to hit 10% goal but I didn't want it to be like this.
<3<3<3<3<3
Sunday, May 27, 2007
naughty, naughty
OK.
It's Sunday.
And I'm updating (with a weight loss!) but it's a day early.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day, and Weight Watchers is CLOSED in observance of the holiday. So I did the right thing and got weighed in today so I still did my work for the week.
Also, because I plan on eating and celebrating today and tomorrow and I wanted an accurate number before I did A LOT of damage. I guess that's sneaky, but I have to remind you that this is MY blogger and I do what I want.
So instead of boring you with details of the fun weekend I had/still have planned (I dont have pictures to show you and narrate), I'm just going to be a straight shooter:
Arms: 11"
Legs: 22" (I've been walking/biking A LOT this week)
Waist: 32.5"
Hips: 38"
Current Weight: 171.2
Cumulative Stats: 22 lost total/13 inches gone from body
Goals: 1 pound for 10% goal/ 23 to go
This week I resolve to: LOSE THAT G-DDAMNED POUND SO I CAN HIT MY 10% goal!!! I can't believe I'm this close to it. This is what I wanted to weigh back in November when I started and I'm almost there!!!!!! This is terribly exciting. I want this pound off by next week. That is my goal.
And now.... a blast from the FAT past...
This is me, striking an oh-so-sexy pose, while hiking up Mt. Tongue (yes, I know) in Lake George, NY. I believe this was taken in October or November, but I'm not positive. And again, I can recall thinking I looked halfway decent but was still uncomfortable. This was around the time when I realized I was gaining a mess of weight again. I'm surprised I made it up 85% of the mountain. I'm also surprised that I didn't roll down the mountain, because I was so, well, round.
It's Sunday.
And I'm updating (with a weight loss!) but it's a day early.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day, and Weight Watchers is CLOSED in observance of the holiday. So I did the right thing and got weighed in today so I still did my work for the week.
Also, because I plan on eating and celebrating today and tomorrow and I wanted an accurate number before I did A LOT of damage. I guess that's sneaky, but I have to remind you that this is MY blogger and I do what I want.
So instead of boring you with details of the fun weekend I had/still have planned (I dont have pictures to show you and narrate), I'm just going to be a straight shooter:
Arms: 11"
Legs: 22" (I've been walking/biking A LOT this week)
Waist: 32.5"
Hips: 38"
Current Weight: 171.2
Cumulative Stats: 22 lost total/13 inches gone from body
Goals: 1 pound for 10% goal/ 23 to go
This week I resolve to: LOSE THAT G-DDAMNED POUND SO I CAN HIT MY 10% goal!!! I can't believe I'm this close to it. This is what I wanted to weigh back in November when I started and I'm almost there!!!!!! This is terribly exciting. I want this pound off by next week. That is my goal.
And now.... a blast from the FAT past...
This is me, striking an oh-so-sexy pose, while hiking up Mt. Tongue (yes, I know) in Lake George, NY. I believe this was taken in October or November, but I'm not positive. And again, I can recall thinking I looked halfway decent but was still uncomfortable. This was around the time when I realized I was gaining a mess of weight again. I'm surprised I made it up 85% of the mountain. I'm also surprised that I didn't roll down the mountain, because I was so, well, round.
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