lament!

The day before weigh in is always the hardest, when I'm actually doing this. I am hot, hungry and cranky. I went to the gym, stayed semi-within my POINTS and have been drinking fluids ALL DAMN DAY. And I probably won't lose all that much tomorrow morning! I drank 3 nights this week and ate a fancy dinner with my fiancee and friend last night, including cajun alfredo. I've never had cajun alfredo. It was incredible, with scallops and shrimp and broccoli with rigatoni.

Regardless, for every pound I gain, I owe Adam $5. For every pound I lose, I get $1. Then on the elliptical, I read this article and I smiled. I know I didn't invent it, but I'm glad I'm not the only one.

put money where your mouth is

today i decided that i needed help.

today i decided that either for every pound i gain or every pound i lose, i will pay my fiancee a dollar (or 20, 40, 60, 80 cents) and when i hit a goal i will buy myself a present.

i'm still debating if i should pay up for losing or gaining.
either way, i hope i win!

new thang

Since reading that book (see last post) I've been doing this thang. I've been waiting, at least two days, before doing "something." I waited two days to see if I really wanted ice cream and I did. So I got some. This week I waited two days to see if I really wanted wine. And I did. So I got some. I've been turning down food, impulses to eat food etc. I've also gone to the gym 4 days...in a ROW! I am trying to listen to and make peace with my body and my mind. The two day rule is a great start.

a must read

This book has been everywhere as of late and so I ordered on Amazon.come just to see. Everyone, everyone should read this book. Just to get a different point of view on things, maybe to feel slightly more empowered and enlightened.

It doesn't solve any problems but it definitely made me ask some good questions.

answered prayers.

Been a busy few weeks.

Last week, I lost 3.2 lbs and did well this week eating but never made it to weigh in today.

Yesterday, the fiance and I hiked in the Adirondacks. I made it 10 miles round trip and managed to handle some rocky terrain. Today, I helped him to unload 2 tons worth of 40 lbs each bags of wood pellets.
I remember asking him to exercise with me a few weeks ago, because I wanted his support and help. Now I'm all kinds of sore from him honoring my request.

i'm engaged.

lazy hazy

Where did my mojo go?

I am so tired all of the time. No energy to do much lately. Last night I spoke with my mom around 7:30 PM and had the following conversation:

Me: Mom, I'm sleepy. Call me at in half hour at like 8 PM and say 'get to the gym fat ass.'
Mom: I will not call you a fat ass.
Me: Please, tell me to wake my fat ass up and get working.
Mom: I will call you at 8 but I will not call you fat.
Me: FINE. I love you. Bye.

So we hang up and I pass out. I wake up on my couch at around 9 PM, face stuck to pillow in a puddle of drool. The weather is getting nice, which is a trigger for me to not want to cook, to want to drink beer and eat fried food.

I am motivated to eat. I am motivated to sleep. NO issues there. I am struggling with motivation to sweat? I've stopped putting pressure on myself to exercise everyday and am working on just working out at least 3x's week. I did make it to the gym today, which is positive. But I ate lunch out and had a mini work party.

I am thinking about enlisting my boyfriend for help, as he is my biggest support and chief enabler.

Ugghhhhh, I want my ENERGY back!!!!