grrrrrrrr

If eating healthy was a wagon, hypothetically speaking, I would have fallen off that wagon on Monday.

If exercising was a wagon, I would still have one leg on it.

If being tired was a wagon, I'd be on the fucker with my seatbelt on.

I hope this entry makes sense. I am so tired it's almost painful to be awake. I am home to eat briefly before night class. Alls I know is that on Saturday @ 5 PM I can relax a little. Sunday my boyfriend and I are going to Six Flags New England with another couple. Hopefully I meet the weight requirements to ride the rides.

turbo carbos

Sunday night was brutal. I was feeling anxious and stressed about what I was beginning on Monday. Lately, my hair has been falling out again. I'm going to say it's stress, since I know I am getting plenty of nutritious foods and am eating a good amount of healthy fat. I've also been maintaining this weight range for awhile now.

Yesterday, however, I was craving carbohydrates. My usual cup of cereal was increased by 1/2 cup (no biggie). I had a Fiber One bar for morning snack. I ate my lunch (1 c. whole wheat pasta, 1 chicken sausage, 1/2 c. shrimp, peas, peppers, onions and two kinds of mushrooms in Alfredo sauce) and then ate 3 pizza crusts and ended up eating two slices of pizza. I had orginally declined pizza because for 3 WW POINTS more, I had more food groups covered. Then I caved because I couldn't get enough carbs into my body. Anxiety? Stress? I had NO idea that these feelings, even imagined, triggered me to eat carbohydrates.

For dinner (on my way to class) I had a sliced up cucumber and a banana. And then out for a glass of wine with my classmate.

i was told there'd be cake?

Tomorrow is DOOMSDAY. I begin work at 7 AM and stay until 6 PM. Then I stop home, eat (?) and get back on the road to get to night class at 7:15 PM until around 10 PM or so. Same again on Tuesday and Thursday.

Is it weird that I am more worried about how and when I will eat dinner than I am about being exhausted?!?!

I think I will take tomorrow night off from the gym...

went shopping today.
down to a 10 in jeans/pants (officially) as in, the 10's fit perfectly. purchased a cool pair of skinny jeans at Marshall's for 16.99!!!!
down a bra cup size too!
can't find my measuring tape to figure out the rest of me, but i'm pretty happy about these two new developments.

heeereee fatty fatty fattyy

It's 1 AM. Do you know where your fatty is?

Yeah on auto-pilot here. Worked an 8-4 socialwerkin' and a 6-12er at the preggo house. I am w i d e awake. Have been eating not-so-fab the last few days and I've been exercising late at night. I like the gym being empty. I even wore my new free sports bra tonight while elliptical-ling under a supportive tank shirt. The tit-bags stayed in place and I'm impressed. I am thinking a trip to the gym after night classes next week will be my work-out time.

My plan is to pack a bag every night BEFORE bed with gym clothes in it. And keep it in my car. SO I will never have an excuse NOT to go, even if it's just for a 30 minute cardio or some weights.

Tomorrow is orientation for internship at Conifer Park...waaay excited. At aproximately 12:01 on Sunday, my summer is officially over.

unlikely duo

Tonight, I'm going for Indian food with my friend Matty, who is studying to be a Catholic priest. Every once in a while, we go on a "date" and talk about life. I look forward to these talks because Matty teaches me some good stuff about faith and I tell him about the horrors of social work. Who knew that a Catholic priest-in-training and a Jewish girl would stay friends after college?

I love Indian food. Love lovelvoelvoelveovoveoe. ummm.

In other news, last night after my 6-midnight shift at the preggo house, I went to the gym. I went for only 35 minutes, but I felt better working out. I couldn't use Bruno because I have heat rash all over my belly from frying in the sun this weekend...since my tummy hasn't seen the light of day since 1998.

I started lifting and I yawned every five seconds. But by the end of my 20 mins cardio, I was wide eyed and ready to take on the world and not my bed. I CAN exercise after my day but I am lousy at purposely waking UP to work it out. I was home, showered and in bed by 1:15 am.

I am very tired right now. I hope I don't go face down in my curry veggies. Poor Matty.

one of my favorite postsecrets

OK, so it's a little off the topic of fitness & weight loss & being frustrated with not being a skinny bitch. But postsecret is one of my all time favorite websites; has been for the last 3 years. Tomorrow night, I'm beginning a project with my preggo girls that I got as an idea from my friend Devan. I am bringing them my post-secret books (I own all four) and I'm making them read the books (my idea). Then on Wednesday, I'm bringing in white crayons & paper & watercolor paints (Devan's project that she does with her clients). I'm going to have the girls write a dream they have for their unborn child on the paper (nothing too personal) and then shuffle up the "secrets." Eventually each girl will have a paper that isn't their own and they will watercolor paint the secret to reveal it...and then comment on the secret by giving advice, encouragement or something along those lines.

I hope they're as excited about this project as I am.

Oh and about me? My weekend was fabulous. I wore a bikini and got tan and relaxed and stuffed my face. I went on a nice after dinner walk this evening for almost an hour. And I'm getting my water in before bed (ummm, not my best idea but I'm so dehydrated). Tomorrow will be work 8am-4pm and then work again 6pm-12 am. Bzzzzzz busy busy girl.