double veggies

Kudos to me moment:

On Saturday night, Adam took me to a fancy shmancy eatery called "The Cock & Bull" (I swear to G-d that's the name of the place) for our 6 month anniversary (can you believe he lasted this long?!?!).

It's basically a steak and seafood place, with lots and lots of not-so-healthy sauces and sides. Since this week is 160 or bust, I was on a mission: eat as healthy as possible.

I started with a bite or 3 of Adam's pickled herring (vinegary herring meat, covered in sour cream and onions and very much a Jewish food) and then ordered a French Onion Soup, which surprisingly is not terrible for you. Then I had a spinach salad. My entree consisted of a veal chop with sundried tomatoes and garlic sauce. So amazing. And...instead of having veggies and a starch (cheddar cheese/bacon mashed potatoes, jasmine rice or something else sinful) I had DOUBLE veggies.

What a great idea! I ate all my green beans and by the time I was done, I could barely touch more than 1/3 of my veal. I filled up on reasonably healthy appetizers and did not overload on anything else. Didn't even have dessert. But I did get a tasty bite of Adam's mashed potato disgustingness that I totally would have consumed if it wasn't his. Or if I wasn't trying to so hard to lose weight.

2 more full days to see how I managed this week....
and less than a month to shop for my birthday

here we go again...

Really. Here we go again. This is the week to make it happen. Or fail, again. Goshdamnit.

I weigh 163.2 lbs. After really working at it, but still half expecting to gain again I lost 1.4 lbs. total for the week. That is good. Now I have to behave this weekend (last night, I saved up points to go out to dinner with work mom and ended up going OVER that) Even though I ate a really delicious Right Portion, Right Price Meal, which was just enough food to make me happy...it wasn't the healthiest choice. I still had half of what TGIF's would normally serve a person. Kudos to me for at least trying.

I also got sugar free juice packet mixes that have added FIBER! Amazing for my little "problem."

So, by February 1st I had set a goal to be 160 or under. That means I have 1 week 1 WEEK to lose 3.2 lbs and finally make the friggin goal I had set for myself to be by November, December, January.

Losing these last 15 pounds is going to be awful. Work Mom (who is also an RN) stated that in order to lose like I was, I'm going to have to eat even less and exercise even more because my body is TOTALLY maintaining and is happy at this weight right now. I've been here for months.

I've also gotten a little bit "bulky" as of late with all of the weight lifting I've been doing. I must slow down and get more cardio into my life. I have the muscles, believe me. I just have about 15 pounds of extra hovering over the muscles, like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz. (Yes I just compared my fat to a green lady on a broom)

What have you learned today:

1. Jillian lost 1.4 bringing her down to 163.2 again...which could mean that she kicks this week's ass and loses weight, or fails miserably and gains a pound again.
   
2. TGIF offers 1/2 portion meals that are tasty and not in any way healthy but at least it's half the price/amount
3. Fiber water juice makes for more regular bowel movements
   
4. I have to workout even harder (with no time to actually work out, as school and work and apartment searching are wearing my time into nothing)
5. My body is a wonderland. No, my body is Oz and Fat is the Wicked Witch.
   
6. I have 1 week to lose as much weight as possible and achieve the goal that I have continuously set back for the last few months.
   

the 100th post!

On the menu for this evening (which I am currently eating):
2 Cajun Turkey burgers (with diced onion, mushroom and jalepenos inside)
atop half a Weight Watchers Bagel each, and smothered in Jarlsberg Light Cheese (1 pt a slice!)

YUM-O! And for lunch tomorrow is left overs from LAST night's dinner: brown rice, black beans with chopped onions and garlic and jalepenos and jumbo shrimp.

I eat healthy. But eating healthy is very expensive. As I get ready to move into my own apartment, I've been budgeting my money in the new year and really trying to figure out where it all goes. I found out last night.

Food.

In the month of January alone, I've already spent about $217 of my money JUST on groceries. I still have another week left and another food bill. I usually buy fresh veggies and meats, some dairy products and then the left over items are dry goods like Kashi Bars, breads and whole wheat pastas. I buy WW microwave meals on sale. I've been purchasing a lot of soups as the cold weather is perfect for it.

Today I discovered the wonders of FROZEN veggies. In researching if fresh is better than frozen, I came across a ton of info that suggests frozen is equal to, if not better than, fresh veggies:
Google Answers

The vitamins and nutrients in fresh fruits and vegetables break down
over time as they are exposed to light and air. Considering that some
produce arrives at the grocery store up to two weeks after harvest,
and often sits on the shelf for some time thereafter, frozen produce
can actually be BETTER than "fresh" in some cases. In addition, fresh
produce may be improperly stored in transit and in-store, resulting in
lost vitamins. Don't worry too much about nutrient loss in frozen
produce: it's generally processed and flash-frozen close to the source
of harvest, retaining its nutrients.

When buying fresh produce, look for what's in season and locally
grown, as these selections will be freshest and relatively high in
nutrients. Buy your not-in-season produce frozen to keep a good
variety of fruits and vegetables in your diet while not compromising
nutritional value. Note that frozen vegetables which have been thawed
and refrozen will not be as nutritious as those kept frozen.

Finally, should you decide to entirely forgo fresh produce for the
ease and convenience of frozen, rest easy - the International Food
Information Council says that fresh, frozen and canned vegetables are
basically identical in nutritional value (though canned produce is
often higher in sodium). Some people prefer the taste of fresh
produce, but if this isn't an issue for you, continue to eat your
frozen veg with a peaceful mind.

I figured I might as well make this fatgirlblog informational for you. I would get bored just reading about how I drank the weekend away or didn't lose the weight I had hoped to, if I were you. I know some of you stalk just to check up on me and see how I'm doing. Now I can give you some additional reading that will help you too!

Next time: Did Jillian go back down to 163 or less? And what kind of music is the best to work out to? ALSO-the benefits of turkey sausage.

quasi celebrity

right now i am drunk,
happy birthday mel.

i just wanted to let everyone know that i gained .8 back
right now i don't know what that equals, aside from disappointment from trying so hard this past week and not losing. I really thought I had it.

Tonight at bombers (hi veronica) i ate a lot of nachos. I stained my shirt. I am gross.

Instead of going to meetings, I post messages to encourage people on WW.com. It makes me feel better when I cheer people on anonymously.

I've also found that people are nicer to me now that I'm thinner. In turn, I am nicer.

pictures tomorrow, when i can see straight.

a goodbye letter

Dear Fat-Self,

You're going to find this hard to believe, but things are officially over between us. We've been together for years now, but this relationship just isn't working for me anymore. You've been with me through thick, and uh, not-so-thin. I appreciate all of the times you kept me warm and padded. You've taught me a lot about life. You've protected me from people paying attention to how I look by hiding me beneath extra adipose. But in reality, it's time we parted ways....forever.

You've been the cause of a lot of pain and insecurity in my life. You've are the reason for a lot of tears and you've ruined shopping for me on more than one occasion (THAT really really sucked). You've made eating a criminal act and forced me to feel guilty about what I consume. And to obsess over what I eat. NO MORE. I refuse to let you stand in the way of my goals. I'm tired of how you make me feel. Our relationship was very unhealthy for me. I'm moving on.

I will always remember the years we spent together, but I will never be with you again.

Sincerely NOT yours anymore,
Jillian

gone skiing

In just a few short moments (or whenever Adam gets here) we are going to Vermont for a nice weekend get-a-way with some friends of mine from college.

Vermont weekend get-a-way = skiing. Which I have NEVER done. So, umm, wish me luck. This is my last weekend of pure freedom before school begins on Monday. For the next 15-16 weeks. I will enjoy every last minute of this stupid weekend even if I die or break a leg in the process. AND I will not cry if I die or break a limb. I will smile. Yes.

And...my week of working out every single day EXCEPT Wednesday proved to be effective. I'm down another 1.6 pounds and now I weigh 163.8 lbs (yes Alexis, I am finally motivated!) and I've lost some minor inchage on my body.

My motivation can be described in an analogy about cleaning toilets. Here goes:

Getting re-motivated to lose weight is similar to how someone doesn't clean the toilet as often as needed. It gets dirty, time goes by. It gets cruddy and skanky. Finally, you get pissy and you clean it up. Just like how I was gaining weight (dirt/grit accumulating) and instead of sitting there and letting it happen, I cleaned it up (started eating RIGHT and exercising) and got rid of the shit on my own terms.

I don't care if that makes sense to you. I get it. Also- I plan on behaving this weekend. If that fails, at least I'll be exercising when I crack my tail bone skiing.

Cumulative Stats since November 06':
POUNDS LOST: 29.2
POUNDS LEFT TO GET RID OF: 15.8
INCHES LOST: 15 +
GOAL WEIGHT: 148

ahh yes....now i remember

Today I realized that for the past several WEEKS, I have really not been following Weight Watchers. I've cut down the calories by HALF of what I was consuming starting on Monday (this weekend was still holiday season?) and the hunger pains are b r u t a l. I sit at work and listen to my stomach grumble because it misses all of the food I was eating and not recording. I see NOW how I was cheating. I feel like I did when I first started Weight Watchers a few years ago. My body is literally in withdrawl from calories. I've put in some exercise time every day since Friday. I'm not cheating anymore. I think I got my mojo back, although I'm going to miss eating a lot.

I'm hoping that by this Friday, I will have put some sort of dent in my holiday weight gain/plateau and by February 1st, I will be under this stupid 160 lbs mark.

"You must do things you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Thank you, Mrs. Roosevelt.

This week, after pretending to try hard, but really only doing a half-assed job I lost .8 of a pound. I am not disappointed, although I had tried to set that goal for myself to be under 160 by now.

Today...I weigh: 165.4 pounds

I think I'm OK with this. At least I lost? I am re-thinking how I do things lately. I am also realizing that my mind decides how my body looks. I've kind of found my motivation this week. I am planning on carrying over said motivation into next week.

my new year's revolutions

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! It's really, actually 2008! I can't believe how quickly this year went by. January is the month I decided to join Weight Watchers again. I'm hereby setting a goal to be somewhere in the 150's by my birthday on 2/28/08. I know I won't be under 160 at Friday's weigh-in, but I'm going to try by February at least.

I now present:

The 10 *REAL* Reasons why I want to lose the rest of this awful weight...

1. To be as healthy as possible
2. To look good naked and in a bikini!
3. Get Weight Watchers for FREE
4. Be a WW leader someday!
5. Go down another size in clothing and get all new smaller sizes!
6. To feel as confident and sexy and attractive as possible.
7. To prove to myself that I can actually do this
8. 3 words: little, black and dress
9. Because I want to weigh less by the time I’m 24 than I did when I was in 6th grade.
10. To eat out of hunger and not out of boredom or emotions.

FYI- I printed out this list and hung it up on my wall.

Also- I am planning on switching my weigh in days, as this Friday morning thing is NOT allowing me to go to meetings and I'm struggling a little I think. I might go on Sunday mornings, so that I start behaving again on weekends.

AND- I recently purchased (OK, well Adam purchased but I picked out) Billy Blanks Tae Bo AMPED!: Rockin' Abs, Rockin' Buns and Sculpt Express DVD set. I'll do them (eventually) and report back to you (if anyone besides Rhonda still reads this!)


(Just wanted to show it off)