big time loser

I lost a total of 4.2 lbs this week and I officially weigh:

160.8 lbs!

wowowowowowow owowowowowow wowowowowow owowowowowowow wowowowowow owowowowowowow wowowowowowowowowow wowow wowowowow owowowowo wowowow owowowowowowowowowowowowieeeeeeee

I don't know how the heck I managed that.
Stress+wendie plan+ exercise= big time loser (that's me)

Errr, um, and did you know that your stomach is actually only about the size of your fist? Pretty scary to think about how much food we put away at a meal, isnt it?

the wendie plan

So...OPERATION: Lean Cuisine or bust was a failure.

But, last night I found this:
the wendie plan

Not the golden ticket, but a really good idea.

I figured that I have 22 points a day (I should eat 23, but I am trying to LOSE weight)

Each week, I should ideally consume: 154 POINTS (22x7=154)
Plus the additional 35 POINTS: 189

189 is my magic number. By the end of the week, I will eat between 154 and 189 POINTS. I never thought of the fact that I could do whatever I wanted with all of those points, as long as I had 189 used. This Wendie chick might have a plan that will work for me. It's a good read, especially for those on Weight Watchers already or those who are counting calories.

Im trying it half-assed this week, and going to really try it after Thursday to see how I do. I'll keep you posted!

temptation is tempting

It's hard being bored, fat and frustrated and having a fridge stocked full of groceries (healthy groceries, but food nonetheless). Most of my friends are home for Easter and I am...not.

Consequently, I am going up to Adam's for the night and bringing my own Lean Cuisine microwaveable dinner to eat. This will avoid his mother trying to feed me, which she always does. That woman is one hell of a cook, although most of it is prepared in 3 lbs of butter. It's hard to say no to her. Especially when she waves something delicious and buttery in my face.

It is really no wonder that Adam once said he could never marry me because I don't cook fattening enough.

fatty was a failure

Against my BETTER judgement, I weighed in this afternoon in an attempt to punish myself for binge eating this week.

Point taken.

I GAINED 2.6 pounds back.

Hello 165, I've missed you so much. I haven't seen you since January 4th. Now we're dear friends again until I can dump you.

This week just sucked. I was trying to fill what felt like a big hole with food. I have never done this before. I ate all weekend. I ate all day on Monday. Around Tuesday the binge eating slowed down and I resumed "normalcy" which is "starving" or "food deprivation" for most people.

It's not that I can't eat on Weight Watchers. I believe firmly in the program, I know it works. I just felt so helpless and consumed by filling up my stomach and my feelings of emptiness this week and I couldn't stop. I barely exercised. I feel like a fat load of crap.

So I switched up my weigh-in day to Thursday after work, which will hopefully make things different enough that I can behave more on the weekends. I might even go back to Monday weigh-ins once school is over. And I will make more time for working-out or at least trying to.

On a happier note:
Sally had the baby. Liana & mom are doing well. Ain't she BEAUTIFUL???

well, yes

Lost a whopping .2 of a pound...la dee friggin daaa

I'm not so enthusiastic about WW this weekend. I want to eat a lot, whenever I feel like it, and not worry about points or pounds or portion control.

Friday night, I forced Adam to stay IN for dinner and he cooked steak for us. I still ate like a slob ALL DAMN DAY on Friday. Saturday, we went out with my mama to The Pizzeria (yum) and I ate only a little of my dinner and filled up on salad and french onion soup. Tonight is my friend Tanya's 26th birthday and I'm going to Koto's (Japanese Hibachi steakhouse) to celebrate.

I want to throw in the towel on this week and not try hard. I wish I was just down 2.4 lbs so I could be 160 even. BUT, I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try to make this week work. No use in breaking the 11 other eggs if 1 is already broken. Right? Right.

OK, OK, I'm going to the gym now. I promise to lift weights for at least 1/2 hr as the absolute minimum. Thank you for holding me accountable...

some quickie meal ideas

A great way to sneak veggies into your day (the frozen kind are ROCKING my world as of late) in to put the veggies IN something else.

For example(s):

1. Pasta Veggie-yummo?
   

• Take a bag of Italian blend veggies from Birdseye
  
• cook it
• dump it into your favorite tomato sauce
• put that over pasta (whole wheat or regular)
  
• add some grated Parmesan cheese and enjoy!

2. Cream of Delicious

• Take some frozen peas with pearl onions...not the whole bag it's a lot of peas
  
• Put those in some cream of mushroom soup (I like Campbell's Selects Cream of Portobello)
• Dump that over some pasta or rice or enjoy on it's own(depending on your preference)
  
• Enjoy that one too!

3. Asian Persuasion

• Take a bag of stir fry peppers/onions from Birdseye
• cook it
• Soy Vey Teriayki
  
• mix and put over rice or enjoy on it's own

4. Soupy dreams

• Take some of your favorite kind of veggies (i use stir fry peppers/onions from Birdseye)
• Dump into your favorite soup (Campbell's Select Butternut Squash Soup)
• Yummmmmm
  

No more recipes until you give me $5 or girl scout cookies. Or both.

to HEK

Dearest Hollisandra,

I will get my *shit* published when I'm done pursuing graduate studies and am bored out of my mind. I don't really know who would buy a book about my weight loss... but I will print this bugger out, autograph it and send it to you in the mail with a lipstick kiss on the cover. Plan?

Friday I ended up gaining .8 back, so I weigh 162.6 which is not a big deal. Last weekend was my birthday, I ate a lot and I quit smoking for the 30th time.

This weekend, I ate Japanese with Ms. Crouse for our Annual Sushi Social at Ichiban's. Last night Adam and I went to a fancy Indian food restaurant and he ordered whole wheat "nan" (bread) for me to eat. What a keeper!

Yesterday, I took 2 civil service exams. 1 for Parole Officer trainee (which I think I'd be good at?) and 1 for Call Center Representative (which would make me a Customer service bitch via telephone). On my way to the test, I scared the shit out of some lady who was also parked 1/2 mile away in the rain. I started jogging to get to Albany HS in time, she started running and turned around and screamed because she thought I was going to attack her. You gotta love Albany...

I exercised hardcore at the gym for a WHOLE ENTIRE HOUR yesterday afternoon after I returned. I got sweaty and out of breath (I have a little cold right now) and I plan on going back on the treadmill today for a little while before another hectic week begins.

Hectic is the nicest adjective I got.

breastual reduction

whoa, whoa

OK, so I lost 31 lbs.

And my boobs are still large (have not shrunk AT ALL!)

And they're still impairing my ability to exercise as hard and intense as I'd like.

AND they're starting to hurt my back as I get smaller.

My posture is bad and I have a lot of tension in my back.

They make me look heavier than I actually am.

I want these suckers GONE! NOW!

I just don't want to lose the ability to breast feed if I pop a kid out.

shopping ANXIETY

This morning I was feelin' anxious about buying a cute top to wear tonight to the bar going out for my birthday.

Ended up spending over an HOUR at the mall to find the perfect shirt. I was super frustrated. Too skinny for the plus sized stores, too fat for the skinny girl stores (anyone with me on this?)

Finally got to Forever 21 and looked around as a joke (skinny girl store). I found a cute grey top for this evening, although I didn't know how it was supposed look. Asked the dressing room attendant how I looked. Tried it on in a large and it looked OK, on a whim went to a medium and it looked better than OK.

I used to love shopping. Now it's so much work to find things I look good/feel good in!