Monday, July 9, 2007

does this make me look fat?

This week has been particularly challenging. Monday, mom came up and I ate at Debbie's Kitchen (the *best* sandwiches!) and did something I haven't done in AGES. I ate deli meat, on a hard roll. This is something I NEVER EVER DO and it was sinful. I felt a pang of guilt, but decided that I would be good this week and that was my reward.

Wednesday, I feel like I ate like a slob. In retrospect, it probably wasn't too much. And I know I would have/could have eaten more about a year ago. Gross.

Thursday, I did fine. Friday was another story. I took one of my kids to lunch at Ichiban (rough job, I know?!) and ate 20 points in one sitting. Then Kristen and I drove down to Amy's Nana's wake in Newburgh and needless to say, it was a very emotional few hours. And then, afterwards, I did the unthinkable. We went back to her parent's house and I fed my face with brownies, cake, chicken, roasted potatoes and pizza. All reasonable amounts of course, but still I felt like a bottomless pit. I felt like I was eating to fill something. I was eating for feelings. Which was scary to me.

To be honest, I wasn't going to weigh in tomorrow at Weight Watchers. Although I've exercised every, single day this week, I've also lost control of my appetite in bad way.

But then, I think about all of the "fans" I have, (which looks silly to type out but it's kind of true) and I almost feel like I'd be letting you down if I only reported back successes. Losing weight is a hard thing to do, and there are natural ups and downs to it. And what kind of person would I be if I ditched out a weigh-in, when I actually had a tough week?

Well, wish me luck for tomorrow. Today it's gallons of water and tilapia fillets /salad for dinner.
UPDATE: 7/9/07

Just got back from my meeting, which I braved. I gained a pound.
I have to get re-motivated and start with a re-newed sense of enthusiasm. I'm going to challenge myself MORE at the gym and really track what I eat.

Arms: 11"
Legs: 22"

Current Weight: 170

I'm also setting a goal to be 165 pounds by mid-August. 5 pounds in a month. Let's do this.

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