Wednesday, July 4, 2007

happy birthday america

I'm home, after a loooonnnggg day of stuffing my face with junk food and drinking beer IN DOORS because it RAINED all G-d darn day. Kristen and I went to a Beer-B-Q with some of our friend Michelle's Albany Med School friends (pics to be posted once Kristen gets them uploaded) and I'm feeling down in the dumps after having such a great day....seriously Jillian, WTF?! The people we met today were really cool. They were like me, intelligent AND fun-loving. They used big words, laughed at my jokes and stories and appeared to be impressed by my chit-chat about the work I do.

I did pilates this morning in preparation for over eating. I arrived, with a 40 oz of Coors Light in hand and a mindset NOT to eat everything in sight. And, I failed. Miserably. We stood around the table and ate. Talked with other party go-ers and ate. I have not yet mastered open-eating social functions. I must work on this, or I'm certainly doomed. Especially since my social life has improved dramatically over the last few weeks.

Last night, we tried a new bar out called "Graney's" and I must say, I had a blast. It was karaoke night, and I discovered that I'm pretty damn awesome at it. The guy who ran it even asked me to do a surprise duet with him. We sang "Summer Lovin'" from Grease. I rocked it, at least that's what my friends told me. I sang some other songs too. The audience gave me very positive feedback. I've found my calling as a bar singer. Screw this master's degree.

I guess there's no rational reason to feel stinky today. I usually hate holidays immensely. There is always such pressure to have something to do on these days. It also reminds me that a lot of the people I care about are far away from me. Yep, holidays depress me like no other.

I'm also feeling very self-conscious about my body as of late. Regardless of how many people tell me how fabulous I look, my confidence is shaken at the moment. And by the moment, I mean, right now. I'll probably feel differently tomorrow. Hopefully I'll feel differently by tomorrow.

I will chalk this up to being bored, as school is over and I'm waiting to hear back about an interview at Talbot's for a part-time job. I will also blame my hormones being out of wack, because I think Cindy (my cyst) is still alive and kicking on my ovary. I just feel like a piece of me is missing today, and I believe it's OK to feel this way sometimes.


2 comments:

Rhonda said...

It was a lousy fourth, but happy to you anyways America!! I lost twenty but this week I haven't worked as hard and I bet I gained. After reading your amazing post(s), I decided not to cook that TONYS. Thanks Jillian!!

Jillian said...

You're very, very welcome Ronnie! I'm very lucky to have a woman I admire, read my blog and feel inspired not to eat Tony's pizza :)