I'm beginning this entry on Sunday night, but only because my mama is coming tomorrow to visit me/go shopping with me and I won't have time to update completely. Plus, I've got a TON to say. Most of which I won't post, but still.
Topics for today's entry include:
Friday evening, I took the mom's from the parenting group that I ran out to Olive Garden for celebration din-din. As soon as my meal came out, I put half of it in a to-go container. I was so friggin proud of myself. I also ordered whole-wheat linguine instead of the regular stuff. I finally ate the leftovers today. Tasted so good.
Yesterday I went to my friend Devan's engagement party and ate like a heifer. The set-up was gorgeous and I was happy to be invited to share in her special day (hi devan!) Sooooo, in actuality, it wasn't all that much food. The appetizers were DEELISH (sausage and JUMBO shrimp on a stick!). I filled up half my plate with salad and then meat (chicken picatta, filet mignon, salmon something or other!) I know that I could have done better, but I couldn't resist. If I've gained any weight this week, which I very well could have, I won't be angry with myself. Every single day presented itself with something special/delicious. And I put my best effort into enjoying special delicious within moderation while exercising 4 times this week, including a 4 mile walk today!
Today I went an applied for a job at Talbot's. I also realized that I am petrified to buy clothing. I don't know exactly what size I really am. I'm in between mediums, larges, and I'm confused. I tried on a large t-shirt today and I was literally swimming in it. I remember this feeling from the last time I lost weight. It's a tumultuous time for me. All of my current pants are beginning to bunch up/get baggy around the tush and they're falling off of my waist. I can't afford to buy too many clothes at the moment and I also don't want to invest in anything until I get closer to goal. So, I'm going to be walking about with my pants falling off my booty and everyone will laugh at me. I'm not paranoid. If anyone has any hand-me-downs in size 10's I would gladly take them off your hands for you.
This one is particularly easy. Too easy. I will not lie and say that I think I'm skinny or even average sized. I'm fully aware that I've still got some weight to lose. I'm so proud of how far I've come since I began, but I'm not delusional. OK? Ok. So we've gotten that out of the way and well, the first step is admitting it.
That being said, NOT ALL BIG GIRLS HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM and/or NO SELF-RESPECT. Hey boys, listen up. Not every "fat" chick is desperate or deserves to be mistreated because you are an insecure little douche baggie. She can, and probably will do better than you. Although I'm not a self-proclaimed bitch anymore, I'm certainly not afraid to say my piece. Strong females should refuse to tolerate bullshit, from anyone. Boy, girl, or in between. I can't really go into why I'm ranting about this, but if you really must know, feel free to ask me.
Personally, I have new found respect for people who are comfortable in their bodies, while I will also fully acknowledge that I could not accept my size when I was bigger. I started to lose weight for the wrong reasons. And when I find someone WORTH sharing my new, smaller body with, it will be for the right reasons. Not to mention the benefits of being healthy ;-)
Now all I need to do is get rid of these boobs that refuse to shrink...
(weight update 7/2/07)
Current Weight: 169.0 *so i gained .4 of a pound BACK. Not too shabby considering how every day this week was food filled.
**I also just re-signed up for WW online and learned that I'm supposed to be down an additional point in food, making me have a maximum of 23 points per day. This past week I was eating 24 pts. This factor, including all of my eating, could explain the slight gain.