Tuesday, October 28, 2008

madness

I keep on telling my boyfriend that I'm gaining weight on purpose because being fat is warmer in the winter than being skinny is.

But I'm lying.

The ugly and flubbery truth is this: I know I should be eating better and not putting everything I see into my mouth. I know this because I've lost almost a 3rd grader in pounds. I know this because I can whip up quick and healthy meals and control my portions. Lately, I just. can't. help. myself. I am eating and eating and then weirding myself out about it. I deserve a "vacation" from restriction. I have done so well for so long. Eating keeps me awake and energized to face this ridiculous schedule I have.

After a rough week (probably 2-3 since we're REALLY being honest) I am ready to admit I have a "problem."

Food is my drug and I am relapsing.

9 comments:

The Mandapants said...

You're not relapsing. Relapsing would be inviting the third grader back, and you're way too committed and hardworking to do that.

Instead, I say you're overworked, underpaid, and seasonally affected. It's cold, it's cozy, and I think we're all a little extra hungry, especially with all the extra (WTF?!) stress.

I'm having a hard time not giving myself sh*t about stuff, too. You got friends, yo. ;)

(like my swagger? lol!)

MizFit said...

Im with mandapants.

youve veered off your path FOR A SHORT TIME onto the rocky sideroad toward CARBville.

and you know what? sometimes thats JUST FREAKIN FINE!

before you try and change the food the workouts ANY OF IT take some time for you to think about what you want, where you want to go, how you mightcould get there, and THEN try and change your path.

email me if you want to...

Tricia said...

I'm going to echo the other two. Food is not a drug, unless you're waking up surrounded by wrappers with no idea as to how they got there. Or if you're free basing chocolate syrup.

If losing weight were easy there wouldn't be a huge industry selling pills and drinks that claim to help one lose weight.

I'm with MizFit about trying to figure out what you want, etc. I'd also suggest yoga, as it's the one thing I've done that has gotten me in touch with how my body feels and what it's telling me.

auntie said...

uh...ditto, ditto, and ditto.

i had no idea i had such good advice to give!! ;)

Tutu B. said...

I know the feeling...just keep eating and eating and eating!!!

You will get back on track soon, once you are ready.

The advice above is great!

MizFit said...

checking back...thinking about you.

tokaiangel said...

You know what? I've been stuffing myself for the last two weeks. Seriously. I can physically SEE the weight gain already. I've been doing it for various really bad reasons, the last of which is hunger.

Think of all those bad things you're thinking about yourself right now. That this is it, the end, there's no way back. Then say them to me. Come on, say them. Because they're exactly what I'm saying to myself right now, I'm FURIOUS with myself. But I wouldn't say them to you, my life I wouldn't dream of it! So we shouldn't say them to ourselves either, because we are good people who don't deserve that level of nastiness.

We both know deep down that every now and again this happens in everybody's lives, everybody gets stressed and eats too much or feels like they don't want to work out. Honestly. I'm trying so hard to tell myself This Is OK This Is OK, and you should too because it IS. We'll get back to it. I still have a weekend of excessive booze and food to get through, but I'm going to enjoy it with as little guilt as possible and on Monday I'll go back to how I was before the moment of madness started, and there it is. No it's not easy. But we do it anyway.

You are not on your own.

TA x

fattygetsfit said...

thank yous x's 100

kristen said...

isn't it exhausting how much time, energy, and mental sanity has to go into simply maintaining good health? It's never an easy task from one day to the next, and we all deserve a break sometimes.

don't think of it as relapsing or taking a step backwards, think of it as taking a step to the side to eventually prepare yourself to move forward again.

not to mention it IS getting colder out, the clothes we wear are going to be baggier, and the holidays are coming. it's the time of year where food is in our face more often. And we all know how hard it is to say no to warm, comfort foods!