numero ciento y cincuenta

today's food log:
1 c. honey nut cheerios (2 pts)
1 c. skim milk (2 pts)
1 serving WW Strawberry Banana Yogurt (1 pt)
1 slice of American cheese (2 pts)
3 slices of light & lean turkey (1 pt)
small chunk of Adam's mother's homemade Sabbath bread & mustard(3 pts?)
1 apple struesel fiber one bar (2 pts)
1 cup whole wheat pasta (3 pts)
1/2 c. shrimp (1 pt)
asparagus, red/yellow/green/orange peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms, garlic, onions (0 pt)
scoop of all Smucker's all natural peanut butter and nutella (5 pts?!)
48 oz ice water (o pts)
16 oz raspberry seltzer (0 pts)

POINTS TOTAL: 22

Might go for an after dinner stroll or lift my 10-lb dumbell while Intervention is on TV.

I am planning on posting *everything* I consume for the next week to re-engage in public humiliation...

dead flies everywheres

My apartment has a little pest problem at the moment. HUNDREDS and I mean that literally, of shit flies have found their way into my happy home. This weekend was very emotional for me. I keep a clean house. How could I have hordes of flies buzzing around in my bedroom, my living room? I felt dirrrrty. And angry. Needless to say, it's the Hudson River and the shitty windows that have allowed the infestation. Adam and I got insect bombs and now I have tons of DEAD flies on the floor in all the rooms. I am going to sleep in the living room for now and hope that someone upstairs will show mercy on me soon.

In other news, I was completely and utterly off track the whole weekend. I haven't exercised or eaten anything remotely close to healthy since Thursday evening. I had lots of socializing, and I gave into every temptation. And you know what? I don't feel good at all. I want to throw up a little. I feel swollen and nasty. It feels almost like I forced myself to overdose and serve as a reminder of how it feels to eat a gross amount of food and not move at all. It is really not worth it (ok, the pecan pie at lunch today was worth it) but the rest was totally not worth it. I will pay dearly for this lesson in binge eating.

Time to sweep up theeeee dead flie carcasses.

tears

I lost 36 pounds and it's taken me a year and a half. The last few weeks, the weight gain has creeped up on me and I'm up 4-5 lbs. I even re-joined the gym, I've been exercising every day (weight, cardio, pilates, walks, swimming) you name it, I'm doing it. YOU SAW MY CHART!!!! I'm trying to eat healthy and I've really made progress on the types of food I'm choosing, not just the portions.

I just started BC pills again, so I don't know if I'm retaining water or not? I'm just really frustrated right now. Usually, I would take the gain hard and binge on something icky and start fresh tomorrow. I'm not even interested in that, I just want to stop paying for WW and reach my goal...

I think I'm leaking from the eyes a little bit. I wanted so badly to be 155 by July 3rd and I feel like I've been trying so hard. I am going to re-evaluate things and figure out where I'm going wrong. And then try to go the right way...

what the fudge?!/happy birthday evelyn

Happy birthday sweet baby!
Evelyn Clare
8 lbs 10 oz ~ 21 inches

Today, at work, *I* officially became the dieting guru expert of all things healthy.

Me? Who considers french fries, cookies and boxed wine to be their own food groups...
Who dips a spoon in peanut butter and then dips that into nutella when she's feeling frisky?
Me...you get the point.

Today, at work, I explained to my colleagues the importance of PORTION CONTROL. They already know what's healthy and what's not. They don't eat terrible food. They just overeat in general. My boss cringed today when I told her that 1 cup of pasta was 4 of her 22 points for the day (if she were on WW) and she damn near died when I explained that 1 cup of skim milk is 2 points (she drinks at least 4 glasses a day) She thought just because it was pasta or skim milk that her choices were somehow automatically free as far as calories are concerned. Not so, not so.

On another note, KOZY SHACK Apple pie ala mode pudding snacks are divine. 1 point per serving!!!

the decadence list

Non-scale victory of the day: Instead of eating Adam's left over General Tso's chicken (1 cup = 15 points) not counting the pork fried rice. I shelled out $10 and bought a salad with chicken, strawberries, walnuts and blue cheese instead. Even though the points for the salad itself was still kind of high, I felt better eating MORE food, HEALTHIER food and passing up on something I didn't really want anyways. General Tso= poison, delicious, awful poison.

I've been stalking this website MizFit for a little while now. She's got some pretty good ideas & information for those of us looking to "healthify" our lives. Today's entry had an idea for a decadence list, where you carry around this list of non-eating/non-food things that make you feel good, special, loved and taken care of. You pull out the list every time you're tempted to eat from emotions, boredom or both.

I thought about MY list while I went for a 35 minute stroll outside. I got pooped on by a bird. THAT is certainly not on my decadence list....

But this is what is, in no particular order:

1. getting a back massage
2. falling asleep in Adam's armpit
3. watercolor painting (or at least trying to)
4. when the leaves turn orange and red in the fall (dying leaves are so gorgeous!)
5. holding babies and kissing their little cheeks
   
6. getting honked/whistled at when I'm out walking or running
7. smelling Adam's shoulder when I hug him
   
8. speaking to a friend i haven't heard from in awhile
9. having a full social calendar
10. getting good grades on papers i worked hard on in graduate school
    
11. arts & crafts projects
12. having someone ask me to listen/give advice
13. shoe shopping! or any shopping for that matter
    
14. looking at the river, or any body of water
    
15. reading a good book on a sunny day
16. a song that has a good memory attached to it
    

I think that about does it. Time for dinner, a shower and Intervention on A & E

good golly, miss molly

Today's entry comes on a warm summer afternoon. I am sweaty from lifting at the gym plus the heat/humidity. I could really go for a cold refreshing beer. Instead, I will fold my laundry.


Here is a picture of me and my friends on Thursday evening, drinking some beers at ALIVE @ 5. It was fun. My friend Kathleen ate a sausage onion and pepper thing. I wanted one too. Drinking typically equals bad choices for me. I decided against it and came home and baked french fries with seasoning on them instead. Sadly, the french fries didn't taste like sausage & peppers on a roll but I was drunk, so they tasted just fine anyways.


Friday was an off day, because we celebrated Adam's birthday for dinner. And I had mexican for lunch. Before bed time, I did 20 mins of my Pilates DVD, and I got a sticker for my chart. Because 20 mins automatically counts as exercise to me.



Here is a photo of me and my best friend Alexis. Alexis is going to have a baby any day now. At her baby shower this weekend, I only had 1 slice of pizza, some broccoli with bleu cheeeeese dressing to dip with (mmmmm) and some cake. Then I drove back to my boyfriend's house and swam in his older sister's pool. While Adam wrestled his niece, I swam mini-laps of breast stroke, did leg circles and used the floatie noodles for resistance in the water. I gave myself a sticker when I got home this morning for just making an effort to exercise. Although I believe I did the swimmy thing for at least 20 mins.



I also made the banner on my cell phone say "It's just food..." to remind myself that food is stupid. Food is for nourishment. It is not bad to enjoy food, but to put emotions or boredom into eating is something I am working to avoid. It's weird realizing only now, the issues I had (have?) with food.

I leave you, with robot butt:

no more hanky panky

I was about 9 pounds away from goal in May and I was royally screwing myself over until last Thursday. I re- joined a gym. I have done cardio, weights or walked outside for every single day in the last week. I lost .8 lbs, which puts a slight dent in my weight loss but not enough. I was semi-frustrated that I didn't lose as much as I had hoped but still optimistic enough not to get discouraged and give up. I have 2 weeks until 155 or bust and if I keep up this exercise routine, I should be close if not at where I wanna be.

I hereby do solemnly swear NOT to get cocky every time I lose weight. This is a trend brought to my attention at today's WW meeting. When I'm down in the pounds, I tend to "celebrate" and then lose focus on my ultimate goal, which is LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP. "Oh, well I lost 1 pound and I'm so close, I might as well binge on wings and beers."

I have been taking the slow, scenic route of weight loss for too long! I need to get on the interstate and go the fastest most direct way to where I want to be! The next two weeks are going to be a challenge for me. Tonight is Alive @ 5 in Albany. This Saturday is my best friend's baby shower in Corning. Next weekend I have a party, a go-away bbq and a graduation party to attend. Plus my dearest Laurie will be in town.

AHHHHH! I must remember to stay on track. If I survive the next two weeks and lose weight, I will reward myself handsomely. With a tattoo. I'm ready for it. I want it real bad-like.

pancakes

i ♥ denny's pancakes.
i found out they only cost 4 pts for three of them.
Adam took me there for breakfast today and boy was I a happy camper when I found out how not bad pancakes are for me.

non-scale victories for friday 6/13/08

1)only had cream cheese on a bagel, instead of the bacon/egg/cheese combo i wanted but didn't need for breakfast

2)played an intense game of volleyball at the work picnic

3) only had 1 beer at happy hour

4) went to the new gym after picnic/happy hour and did weight machines for a little while

5) didn't buy the $128 jeans at the fancy schmancy boutique in Troy because i am waiting to hit goal before i buy new clothes (and b/c im broke!)

what did you folks do today that makes you proud of yourself?!?!

eating my feelings

I gained a pound this week.
No, I am not happy.
I am overwhelmed with emotion.
I thought I did a good job this week.
Thought wrong.

I joined a gym, ABC Fitness to be exact. I got a summer student special deal type thing. The gym itself is small, but clean and it's open 24/7. It has air conditioning. So if I get really hot in my apartment, I can spend the day working out. Maybe I will go back there now after I'm done writing this blog? Probably I will go for a quick run outside while the weather isn't scorching.

I now see that if I don't exercise 3-4 times a week, I gain weight. I also feel frustrated because I should be LOSING weight. This should be EASY for me now. Instead, I'm going backwards after coming so far forwards.

After joining the gym, I went to Bambino's Pizza near my house to get a slice or two. They weren't making individual slices anymore so....I drove to McDonald's. I ordered a crispy chicken southwestern salad (they gave me grilled) and french fries.

I am going to TRY to get down to 155 lbs by 7/3/08...hopefully I can lose 5 lbs in 3 weeks. I want my next tattoo and I can't get it until I am down to 155.

OK, no more procrastination. Time to put another sticker on my calendar and go for a walk outside.

it's seafood night a las casa de jillian

OK, here it is AGAIN. But only because I'm actually proud of how this looks:


So, a gratuitous photo in my bathing suit to show you that bikini dreams CAN come true, if you suck in your gut enough!


I digress...


What I meant to talk about in this evening's pre-weigh in post is about my relationship with food, that I recently discovered while talking with a co-worker.

The other night, I went grocery shopping. It was the first time ever I had a feeling! about grocery shopping, aside from dreading it. As I walked the aisles, I made healthy choices without even bothering to look at the foods I shouldn't have. I didn't crave any of the foods I used to. I also planned my meals as I dumped contents into the cart. In the last few weeks I have been very creative about my meals. For example, I had frozen shrimp and frozen salmon burger in the front of my freezer. I made a giant salad and re-heated some basil parmesan orzo I had the other night. Grill the shrimp & salmon. Apply cranberry mustard to the grilled feesh. Dump the shrimp in the orzo; salmon in the salad and VOILA! Seafood delight and only a 10 point dinner!

Growing up, my mom and I ate a meat and a starch for dinner every night. Salad was the veggie, or some sort of frozen vegetable if it was special. We used to go out to eat ALL of the time..pizza, chinese, diner, italian, spanish you name it, we ate it. I would say I grew up with a skewed (but probably normal) version of eating. It wasn't until I learned how to cook, that I became experimental with tastes and different foods. Today, whatever I cook my mom usually hates. I eat healthy. I like eating lots of different things, more variety than I ever had before. I still enjoy some good old fashioned comfort food every now and then. But now, different foods excite me and more of the bad stuff turns me off.

Here's to less of me tomorrow.

there. i did it.

Pictures from my Friday evening.

see bikini photo above