the search for nutritional information

I am scouring the internet looking for the nutrition information for a personal size pizza from Domino's (lemme finish before you make fun of me for eating fast food pizza.)

Today I had to close out one of my absolute favorite clients. In the few short months I worked with her, she went from being an agoraphobic and anti-social young woman, with a drug abuse and criminal history to the assistant manager at Domino's, going to enroll at the local community college to get her GED and college credits and trying to get her driver's license. I couldn't be more proud of her if I had made her myself. As a token of her appreciation, she made me a special mini pizza with veggies on it (I paid for it of course). Then I ate it. Then she started tearing up and said "Go Miss Jillian, I am getting upset and I still have to work 3 more hours." So we hugged and I booked out of there. It made me feel wonderful that I got to make a difference in her life and to be a positive and consistent adult in her life. I was able to watch her make progress on goals she set for herself. Needless to say, I was sad to leave her too.

But now I'm super sad because I don't know what to eat for dinner, because I do not know how many POINTS the stinkin' pizza was. And there is NO information on it.

Forget it. I found it.
Ultimate Deep Dish Cheese Pizza - 6" Individual Pizza©


Serving Size: 1 pizza
Calories: 598
Total Fat: 28 grams
Saturated Fat: 10 grams
Cholesterol: 36 milligrams
Sodium: 1341 milligrams
Carbohydrates: 68 grams
Fiber: 4 grams
Sugars: 7 grams
Protein: 23 grams

Shit. 13 POINTS>

my best invention yet

Introducing Jillian's Left-ova pantry style burrito (made with leftovers and random foods in the house)

YOU WILL NEED:

• Joseph's Brand Flax, Oatbran & Whole Wheat Lavash bread (1 wrap)
  
• Goya Black Beans (1 can)
• 1/3 cup Mexican cheese shredded (I used WW brand)
• Frozen peppers and onions (any brand is fine, as many as you want)
• Jalepeno rings from a jar (any brand is fine, as many as you want) slice if you want smaller pieces
  
• 1 teaspoon (or more) of Joseph's Humus Tahini
• 1/3 cup of left over rice (For this recipe, I had some Zattarain's Carribean Style rice with pineapple & coconut but ANY rice will do)
  

1. Open the beans, drain and rinse.
2. In a saucepan add: beans, onions, garlic, frozen peppers, jalepeno
3. Sim-simma this
4. Get the wrap ready
5. Spread thin layer of humus, cheese and rice
6. Add the beans (I used 1 cup, for WW measuring purposes)
   
7. Wrap it up! Then heat up on each side until wrap is brown
8. ENJOY!!!!

It's pretty yummy. And it's only 7 points. VEEERRRYYYY filling

Seven Burgers of the Apocalypse

None of these turned me on. Except the Luther Burger.

3 pounder

Adam & I outside of the Wild Center in Tupper Lake, NY

Took the day off for a doctor's outpatient procedure (which didn't end up happening) so I went to WW to face the scale. Gained a nice little 2.6 pounds back this week. Not even upset. Friday I ate and drank. Saturday, I ate and drank until 3:30 AM. Sunday, I ate McDonald's and ice cream. Today I am back on track. I woke up and went to the gym and I've been eating healthy all morning...so far.

This weekend...so worth every ounce. Some photos (G-rated) from Devan's bridal shower and bachelorette party

As good as it gets ?

At 24 and almost a half years old, I came to the serious conclusion that *this* is as good as it's going to get. I'm in the best shape of my life, nearly 10 pounds (and dropping) lighter than I was as a senior in high school and I have an extensive collection of high heeled shoes. I realized this, at the gym this morning.

Last night, out drinking (btw, having friends who like to drink is very hard on the waistline) we saw some older women out at the bar. Tons of makeup, no bras, short shorts. My reaction was mixed. Part of me felt bad for them, trying to look younger than they were and looking ridiculous to me. Part of me wanted to cheer them on for being brave and bold. The other part of me decided to stop staring and finish eating the steak sandwich I had in front of me. Which was awesome.

I guess I just find it thought provoking that in my self-esteem forming years of young womanhood, I was overweight and made many foolish mistakes. I wish I was as confident about myself now, back then.

that growling belly demon

My belly is growling. Hard core. I've been eating well this week so far. I skipped the gym yesterday but exercised Saturday through Tuesday (cardio, weights, housework, parking far away from destination, walking etc) and my stomach is like, totally pissed at me or something.

Mayhaps it is a psychological issue? EVERYTIME I've lost weight, hit a new low, I tend to celebrate with food. Today, all I want is a candy bar. Something chocolate. French fries. Chicken. Pecan Pie. It's not even PMS week! I even indulged in a poppy seeded bagel with low fat cream cheese (which I scraped off most of!) on the ride home from Adam's this morning to quiet that growling belly demon! And she is not satiated. She is grumbly and mean spirited.

I have to go food shopping immediately after work and cook something with 7 points for the day. Gym later this evening. I feel like eating a friggin' steak. Pizza. A small child. I have to work hard for the rest of the week b/c Saturday is the bridal shower for my friend and I plan on eating and drinking that day-night. The next day Adam and I celebrate our 1 year anniversary. Maybe he will take me hiking or to an amusement park like I asked?

Update: Went back to work and ate a cookie and felt better. After work, went food shopping and felt even better than that! (my fridge was EMPTY) Mmmmmm. Heading to the gym in a few minutes, after this episode of Law & Order is over. They keep playing commercials for Pizza Hut Tuscani Pasta and IT LOOKS SO GOOD! I want that so badly but I bet it tastes gross in real life.

a.m. randomness

• The last time I weighed 170 lbs was 7/16/07, and so I've maintained being under that for over a year now.
  
• Since I've been eating healthier(?), my hair has been growing a LOT quicker than it used to
• That being said, my gastrointestinal system has also been improving and I'm always afraid that I'm going to drop a deuce on the elliptical machine and everyone will see
• Monday, I split a heaping plate of turkey chili nachos with an ex-Army drill sergeant (read: 6 foot something, over 250 lbs) and I gave him a run for his money. Then I went to the gym and worked out for an HOUR. Although I know that didn't undo the nachos, it was nice to try
• This morning, I was SUPPOSED to go to the gym early b/c I have a staff meeting at job #2 and I'm going up to see my boyfriend tonight (he lives 45 mins away) and I totally slept through it.
  
• I enjoy a scoop of peanut butter in my oatmeal
  

who's a skinny betch?

I hummed and I hawed.

I debated on going to Dunkin Donuts this morning after I weighed in. I was going to get a chocolate glazed donut and an iced coffee. Then I was going to shmear peanut butter on the donut when I got home. And eat it. And be h a p p y. Because I certainly wouldn't eat any donuts during the week, and I might get bored of the breakfasts I have here at home (cereal, oatmeal, pitas, eggs) and I should splurge a little on my one day off of work. Especially if I lost weight this week. Then for sure, I was going to enjoy a little donut bliss today.

I guess I wanted a donut because of this conversation last night at work:

"Jillian, you are so missing out on that diet thing you do. Junk food is so delicious." -pregnant teenager last night, munching on salt & vinegar potato chips and an Arizona sweet tea
"Yeah Jillian, you're not even fat. I can't believe you'd rather eat watermelon." - another pregnant teenager, chugging a Dr. Pepper and chowing down on some Funions.

I walked a few of the girls to the local grocery store, because they wanted snack. I headed straight for the produce aisle and they wandered somewhere else. I picked up some pre-cut watermelon and they're hands were full of chips and cookies and caffeinated drinks. They make fun of me for eating healthy because 1) they're 14-17 year old girls 2) they were probably skinny before they got pregnant 3) they didn't know what i looked like when i was chubby 4) they don't know any better.

The good news? I lost another 1.8 pounds this week. I am weighing in at approximately

156.4 pounds

The better news? I resisted the urge to waste money. I decided to come home and make my own iced coffee and enjoy nutella and pb goodness on a flaxy pita thing warmed up in the microwave.


Here is what I'm planning to get (something along these lines, not on my ankle) It will symbolize the latin quote "to the stars through hardship" which has multiple meanings for me. Mainly as a social worker but also my own battles. I CAN'T WAIT TO GET IT. Hopefully I can start making an appointment for next week, if I keep up the hard work.

bebe de comida

Tonight, I drank some alcohols.
And split some yummy appetizers with my friend Kristen, and drank some grapefruit martini goodness. The waiter- gorgeous buy awful at his job. Nice to look at but in no way wait staff material. I know this because I worked in food service for a few years in college.

Then we went to another bar; I had a beer. Then we met some other friends out; I had a glass of wine. Now I'm sitting here in my dress and high heels, slightly buzzed and swollen in the middle. I hereby dub myself skinny enough to have a "food baby." Like when Paris Hilton eats a salad and Perez Hilton reports that she's preggo.

Special shout out to a new fan Ashley, who found me through my best friend's older sister's best friend's fit blog (Hi Jaq!) and then read my entire blog at work. I'm glad my tales of eating and battling with being huggably chub inspire you to join the battle against fat thighs. I bet you're pretty awesome in your own right too.

OK, boyfriend is here and we're going to relax in front of the fan (b/c i have no AC). Maybe we can fry bacon on my belly/

running out of underwears

Seriously, I haven't done laundry in about 3 weeks and I only have the "b" squad underwears left (that pile is also shrinking). You know the b-squad...the stringy thongs, oddly shaped, ruffled weirdo unders you wear on special occasions. Yeah. Enough about that.

Today was an OK day for eating and working out. I made it to the gym after work and hopped on the elliptical machine for a solid half an hour. I was singing along to my I-pod shuffle and secretly comparing my body to the women around me. EEks. Why do we do that???!! I know I'm not the only woman who checks out other women to compare and contrast.

I was mostly jealous of the tiny girl running on the treadmill. She was about 5'0" with toned arms. Her legs were muscular and she had a runner's booty. Mind you, I'm 5'5" and big boned (for real!!!!) ; my arms are strong but kind of flabby and my butt has all but disappeared since I've lost the 35 lbs. I will never be anyone else but myself.

"The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position."-Leo Buscaglia

I love Leo Buscaglia. And since the only people who read this are either my roommates/friends from college, one of my best friend's mothers, one of my best friend's older sisters, old friends from high school and cheerleading strangers from a far, I suggest you ALL look at Leo Buscaglia quotes. The man is wacked out but very inspirational.

Now...it's time for studying for my CPCE Exam which isn't until September. By May 2009 this will pay off, when I'm a Mental Health Counselor for real.

"weigh" to go!

Yesterday, I did not weigh in.
I spent the afternoon after work at the Verizon store, because I lost my cell phone and needed a replacement immediately. Plus, my eyes have black and red bags underneath them as an adverse reaction to my antibiotics. Today, I looked like a zombie woman in dress clothes. Dress clothes in which I am officially 1.2 pounds less than last Monday, making me:
158.2 lbs
and relieved that I have about 10 pounds left to lose.
and about 3.2 pounds until tattoo time.

Tonight, I am celebrating weight loss with Mushroom & Herb Couscous, Garlic Chipolte Salmon and a big salad for dinner. I went to the gym after weigh in (I should start staying for meetings) and worked out a little bit, but nothing major.

I found my cell this morning when my wake up alarm went off....in a shoe, in my closet.

Oh...and here is my list of non-148 lbs goals that I decided to think about after reading MizFit. I am SOOOO darn focused on reaching that number, that I have forgotten OTHER goals to strive for on my journey. So here they is, in no particular order:

1. gradually find the time (and energy) to stay on a cardio machine for an hour
2. attempt to lose more inches all over the body, as this has hit plateau
3. in addition to #2, maybe even try to get into the single digits of clothing! (i'm a 10-12 right now and it would feel AMAZING to get into an 8...haven't been there since 7th grade)
4. switch to Core on Weight Watchers for at least 1 week (more about this for next post)
5. hit 155 and get that stupid tattoo i've been talking about forever
6. ______________________________ i'll figure this one out later.
   

misssss new booty?!

Over my strep throat officially and back in the gym as of yesterday.

At the group home for pregnant teens that I work in part time, I have a rule. The girls are allowed to complain, but only if they say something positive after their complaint. So...they cannot bitch and moan unless they can make a positive comment afterwards. I am trying to teach them that good karma and positive thinking will bring them better things then being negative nancies all of the time. I even made a sign on the office door. And when they come to me to talk about why they hate being here, hate another girl etc I interject with a "BUT!" and they laugh, and say "But I'm pretty" or "But I am going to be out of here once I have my baby" and they can't be angry anymore.

While I was elliptical-ing, I was reading in a magazine about how celebs lose the "baby weight" or have a "bikni body." Really?! COMPLETELY unrealistic. I was getting cranky at the thought that I could be super skinny and gorgeous if I had millions of dollars to spend on trainers, nutritionists and/or nannies to take care of my kid while I worked out for 2 hours a day.

I make way less than $30 grand a year, work 2 jobs and will be returning to grad school in a month or so. Is this why my progress is going so slow!??! BUT instead of complaining, I will say that I am very proud that I've lost all of this weight and have been keeping it OFF for over a year and a half now.

Today.... I did 45 mins on the elliptical. Hope weigh in tomorrow works out for me!!!

Starting Measurements vs. Current Measurements

Arms - 12" / 11.5"

Legs- 24"/ 21.5"

Waist- 38"/ 32.5"

Hips - 42"/38"

i wish

I wish I looked like Mariska Hargitay.

I wish I didn't have strep throat.

I wished I could have gone to the gym today.

two point six

Lost 2.6 during a holiday weekend. Back down to a nice and ripe 159.4 lbs of woman. This week, I am going to try doing strictly cardio to burn burn burn fats. I've been doing a teensy bit of research on my saggyish skin problem and I was kind of surprised to learn that there may be some resistant fat as the cause of the looseness. So I just have to keep chugging along to my goal weight and beyond and continue moving, no matter what. It also doesn't help that I was overweight for so many years.

RIP

It's amazing how much adrenaline you can find in your body at the gym after breaking up with your boyfriend. And how not hungry you feel, even after one of the more intense workouts you've completed in a long time. I feel numb and powerful. Paradoxical, I know, but still.

toughen up girl

Day # 3 of serious re -commitment to 22 POINTS a day.

The hunger pains throb in my belly and I am now aware of how badly I had been cheating for the last few weeks. Again, I got cocky and didn't do my job of trying hard enough. Now I feel like a drug addict detoxing off of some chemical madness. I have sweats, I'm irritable, lethargic and all over cranky. Wowsa. It don't feel pretty. I *still* went to the gym and lifted some weights and did 15 minutes on the elliptical despite feeling brutal.

In other news, I have another bag of clothing to get rid of. "Fat clothes," if you will. I am giving this large bag of clothing to my place of employment, to our Interview Outfitters program. By donating my nice fat clothes, I am helping someone get some pieces worthy of an interview or even just some free clothing. Last time I lost weight (2005-2006) I kept all of my fat clothes. Then I was able to wear them again. And promptly grew out of them into a size 14 when I gained it all back. I think I was secretly holding on to these clothes in case I got fat again. No more. I won't allow it. I REFUSE to increase a pants size if I have to go out and buy new ones. Especially if I'm going to be unemployed come September, when internship and full time grad school classes will rule my life. I am also putting myself on a $50 a week food budget. No more than that EVER.

Next Monday, July 7th will be weigh in day and every Monday thereafter. This will ensure behaving during the weekend, as I was very successful at Monday weigh ins last year.

Food log:
2 Whole Grain Waffles (3 pts)
1 c skim milk (2 pts)
1 shmear of nutella (1 pt?)
1 Kozy Shack Apple Strudel Snack cup (1 pt)
1 fiber one bar (2 pts)
1/2 c. rice (2 pts)
curried veggies (1 pt?)
2 pieces of chicken (5 pts)
4 oz of mahi mahi (2 pts)
1 c shrimp (2pts)
veggies!
Water water water and...water

baby bjorns are awesome

Today's food log:
1 c Honey Nut Cheerios (2 pts)
1 c skim milk (2 pts)
1 WW Raspberry White Chocolate yogurt (1 pt)
1 c whole wheat pasta (3 pts)
1/2 c shrimp (1 pt)
+ asparagus, onions, peppers,
1 Chocolate fiber one bar (2 pts)
1 tiny nothing brownie (1 pt!?)
2 panko breaded chicken cutlets (5-6 pts)
1 c brown rice (4 pts)
curry Indian veggies (1-2 pts?)
water water water

And I babysat for Lili. So as today's exercise, I strapped Miss Thang into the Baby Bjorn and we walked for about 40 minutes. NO ONE HONKED AT ME! But walking was fun with 13 extra pounds of weight. I wonder if this is how it will be when I get pregnant?

Me & Lili on a stroll around the neighborhood